


I Can Get It Back

by taralkariel



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Continuation, Character Study, Eventual Romance, Eventual reunion, F/M, LITERALLY, Rey Solo, Rey is going Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Some feels, Space Opera, Unresolved Emotional Tension, World Between Worlds, angst with plot, character driven, healing ensues, just for a bit, ngl a LOT of feels, space romance, stages of grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 39,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22554382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taralkariel/pseuds/taralkariel
Summary: After the events on Exegol— Rey is alone. She is struggling to adapt to life on her own, on Tattooine, and with the Resistance’s New Republic. She can’t help but feel separate from everyone else. Everyone else gladly accepts that the First Order is destroyed and Kylo Ren is dead- that Ben Solo is dead. A loss that she can’t admit to herself she feels. Attempting to bury herself in her work, her spark of hope is ignited when an unbidden vision of Ben Solo appears, forcing her to confront her loss and do something about it.Part I: Denial and DepressionPart II: Bargaining and AngerPart III: Acceptance**accepting Ben being back
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 61





	1. I see a ghost in a photograph, I feel that wave come up under me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deathbyhook](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deathbyhook/gifts).



> I was depressed about TROS, so I've been working on this for the last month. I wanted to explore Rey's character more thoroughly than TROS did and, of course, bring Ben back, but that'll take a little while. Then fluff at the end! It's basically done and I will update daily - future chapters will be longer than this one. Titles from I Can Get It Back by Zack Hemsey.

**Part I: Denial and Depression**

The heat was sweltering. It was always hot here. She never could get used to it. Her clothes were lightweight and airy but felt smothering even as they blessedly kept the sun from burning her skin. She wrapped her head and neck as she left her shelter to get to work. It was important to start early, before the desert really baked around her.

The sand shifted beneath her feet as she walked, but she was used to that. The idea of a more solid surface was becoming a distant memory. Once, she had experienced other climates, other planets. Someday she might again. But not now. Now there was work. Maybe not ideal work but something at which she excelled. She was very good at fixing broken things, after all.

When the heat of the day became too much, she returned to her shelter dissatisfied. She never managed to do as much as she wanted to before it became necessary to get out of the sun. There would be much to do when it cooled off. There were things to be repaired: to remove the sand and grit from their parts and return them to working order. There were things to be bartered for, to aid in her repairs and to keep herself alive. There always work and she was grateful for the distraction.

In the shelter that served as her current home, she carefully arranged the mechanical devices on the floor, gazing at them with a critical eye. Some had little use for her and were already functional enough to be traded. Most required cleaning before she either traded them or made use of them herself. The cleaning was not easy. Even her home was difficult to keep free of the choking sand.

As usual, she had not gotten so far as she had hoped before the hottest part of the day had passed. Still, she packed a number of things into her bag and headed to the nearest outpost. Trading went poorly for her, just as it always had. She could defend herself and her belongings but lacked the personal connections necessary to get a good deal. Her desperation was too evident for her to drive up the price. Her single-minded focus turned the scraps she had found into supplies that would last a few days, but she never managed to do better than that.

It grew dark as she walked home, too busy considering what parts she needed most and how to go about obtaining them to notice much about her surroundings. Perhaps she had gotten sloppy, become overly confident in her abilities. But she didn’t notice that she was being followed until she was too far out for even the most altruistic person to help her. Assuming there were any nearby – this was not a place altruistic people thrived.

“Look what we have here, Qiz. Are you all alone, little girl?”

One of the humanoid creatures spoke as he smoothly cut in front of her. He had four friends and all of them were smiling cruelly.

“What if I am?” she snapped back.

“Well, I’d say that it’s a damn shame, is what. Why don’t you show us what you’ve got in that sack and we’ll see if you have enough to pay the toll,” another of them drawled.

She frowned a little, considering how to deal with this new development without attracting unwanted attention. “I don’t think so.” Everything she had was necessary – some of it quite hard to get ahold of. Nothing she was willing to part with.

“No one leaves Mos Eisley without paying the toll,” the first one insisted, reaching for his blaster.

It was easy to pull all of their blasters away from them, to pile them at her feet. Easier still to draw her lightsaber and ignite it, then wait.

“What are you?” one asked fearfully. “One of them Skywalkers?”

Something like a smile tugged at her lips. They fled and she continued on her way, leaving their weapons to be buried in the sand, forgotten and eroding, like everything else.

Back on the moisture farm, she continued the task of getting it up and running. It had been abandoned for over thirty years and needed considerable work. But it was a place of happy memories for Luke, something the family had had so few of. She wanted to do a proper sendoff for her master, but Alderaan had been destroyed long ago. This felt like the next best thing. There was also the option of going to Master Leia’s family home on Chandrila, but that was something Rey could not do. Not yet, anyway.

There had likely been moisture farms on Jakku, but she had never been near one. Scavengers were not entry in such respectable businesses. Still, fixing this one seemed to be coming along. She had buried Master Leia’s lightsaber as well as Luke’s. Some nosy woman had asked who she was and she felt that she could take their name to explain her presence on the farm. It hadn’t really worked, but no one was coming to investigate who was squatting here.

“Ow,” she muttered as one of the sharp edges of the tech she was fixing cut her finger. She sucked on the wound instinctively, surveying her progress. The suns were setting and soon it would be too dark to keep working. And then she would have nothing to distract her from her thoughts as she lay in the dark, aching for sleep to claim her.

She got up and walked outside to watch as the suns disappeared slowly behind the horizon, gazing into the distance. When the first of the suns was gone, she took a steadying breath and went inside to make something to eat. The rations she had brought with her were wearing thin, but still felt like a fortune to her. Even if her friends at the Resistance had always complained about them being bland and tasteless.

The house, much larger than any she had ever been in, became fully dark swiftly as she finished her dinner. She was tallying up how many more parts she would need when a sudden clatter broke her concentration. Frowning slightly, she rose to find that her lightsaber and blaster had fallen, apparently of their own volition, on the floor. They had been setting near the edge of the table, but she didn’t think they would have rolled off. Odd, she thought as she headed to bed.


	2. I see myself in that other half, I feel that pain pull me underneath

The suns had already risen the next day before Rey did, which was unusual. She awoke in a cold sweat, breathing hard, the remnants of a dream scattering swiftly in the bright light. It left her feeling unsettled, but no more than the realization that she’d lost a great deal of precious time. This kind of behavior on Jakku would have meant not eating for at least a day.

With haste, she jumped out of bed and hurried to get started. One of the turbines had filled with sand again in the night, and she methodically cleaned it out once more. It had a hole in the shielding that needed to be patched. Impulsively, she placed her hand over it and concentrated. But nothing happened. She blinked at it and at her hand before shaking her head. She was being foolish, to expect a Force power to work better than her more reliable methods of repair.

A quick jog brought her back to the house and she grabbed the bag of tech she’d traded for the previous day, enjoying the physical exertion because it settled her nerves. She carefully sealed the hole by affixing a piece of scrap metal and sat back to judge her handiwork. Yes, it should keep out even a sandstorm. For a while, at least.

Things were up and running again, so she returned to the scrap pile to scavenge for what she could trade today. The nearest outpost would not suffice – she’d seen its offerings and it was unlikely anyone new would show up today. Niima outpost had often had rotating vendors and she’d never felt like she’d gotten everything she wanted from it. Here, she was tired of seeing the same faces every day. Not to mention her desire to avoid notice; unlikely after the previous day’s events.

When the suns had finally left the apex of the sky, she packed up her trades and paused upon finding her blaster and lightsaber again having fallen on the floor. She picked them up and closed her eyes, feeling for something unfamiliar. Nothing. With a lingering feeling of unease, she made some final repairs on the rusted-out speeder she’d found and was soon racing just above the sand. Her speeder on Jakku had never been so fast. She grinned into the rushing wind, enjoying the thrill of seeing the landscape disappear behind her.

Unlike the sands of Jakku, Tattoine featured rocky outcroppings and hills, so she was eventually forced to slow down to navigate. And to slow further as the outpost came into view. She debated leaving the transport outside of the town but decided against it. Walking all the way home would be a nightmare, and it would be easy enough to steal without her nearby to guard it. Her previous speeder had remained hers only by her reputation and its relative worthlessness. This one was an antique but still too well-made to deter thieves.

It took several hours and perhaps a few unscrupulous uses of the power of suggestion via the Force, but she got what she needed. It was a satisfying feeling. When she had been living on Jakku, some of her bartering had gone remarkably well. Had that been the Force, even then? Long before she’d used it to escape the interrogation chamber and begun to realize her powers. In any case, the trick did not work all the time, but it was a useful tool, especially now. Perhaps not strictly something a hero would do, though – the thought troubled her so she pushed it away.

The trip back to the farm was much less eventful than the previous evening, though she arrived much later. There was barely time to clean up after the morning’s work before it became too dark to continue. She settled herself with some rations in front of the family’s holo projector, recently repaired, and stared at it for a long time.

Her food had gone cold before she turned it on, then began to scan methodically through the signals before finding the one she wanted. Pressing a few buttons swiftly, they were connected. Then she waited, setting her dinner down because her appetite had vanished.

“Rey?” a familiar voice broke through and the fuzzy holo solidified into Finn’s face.

She smiled, pleased it had worked. “Finn!”

His happy expression changed to one of anxiety. “Rey, what are you doing? Where are you? Why have you been gone so long?”

The speed of his questions made her think he was avoiding the real one – would she ever come back? Her lips pursed as she waited for him to finish. “I’m just taking care of some things, for Master Leia. It’s taken longer than expected.”

He frowned at her. “Send me your coordinates – we’ll come help you!”

The sinking feeling in her chest made her rethink her decision to reach out. “I’m fine,” she replied sharply. “Tell me what you’ve been doing.” Her brilliant smile made up for her terseness and was enough to get him to change the subject, though perhaps begrudgingly.

“Okay… Well, me and Rose and Jannah are still finding the former troopers and rehabilitating them. It’s pretty easy, once they know the real history of the galaxy instead of what the FO propaganda told them. Poe, Zorri, and Maz left this morning to track down some of the officers who escaped to bring them to justice. I’m pretty sure Lando is going to be our new Chancellor,” he added thoughtfully.

“Lando Calrissian? The gambler?” she asked with a laugh.

“He really knows how to deal with people, Rey. More than the rest of us do, I think.”

Nodding, she considered what else to say. “Is the New Republic going to be on Coruscant?”

“Yeah, I think that’s the plan. The Hosnian system is gone, obviously. And Coruscant is still set up for it, not to mention centrally located. I don’t know, Rey. I don’t really plan on being involved.”

“You don’t?”

Her surprise must have shown on her face because he smiled slightly. “I’m a former Stormtrooper, Rey. I don’t know the first thing about governing. And who would trust me to do so, given my background?”

She shivered and looked away. “Oh. I suppose.”

There was the sound of a disembodied voice on his end of the connection and he looked away for a moment. “Rose wants to talk to you,” he addressed Rey again with a smile, then disappeared as Rose took his place.

“Hi, Rey!”

Her grin returned at the sight of her friend. “Hi, Rose. I hope Finn is appreciating your talents.”

“I do have to remind him sometimes,” Rose laughed and Rey could hear disgruntled noises from Finn outside her vision. “You look like you’ve been fixing something.”

“How could you tell?”

“You really shouldn’t fix things while wearing white, Rey. Don’t you have a change of clothes?” Rose teased.

Rey swallowed convulsively as she considered what clothes she did have in her possession, but that they wouldn’t fit very well. “Ah, no, I don’t, actually. Perhaps I should get myself some tomorrow.”

“You definitely should. Unless you’re planning on returning soon?” Rose asked gently.

“Everything isn’t ready yet.”

Rose looked at her for a long moment and Rey had the uncomfortable feeling that she could read her mind. “Well. You come back when everything is ready, and you can tell us all about it. All about anything you want. We’re your friends – you can always talk to us.”

“Thank you,” Rey replied, uncertain at the prospect of telling them _everything_. “I… I need to go. I’ll talk to you again when I get a chance.”

“Don’t wait too long,” Rose insisted.

“Goodbye, Rey,” Finn called, echoed by Rose.

“Goodbye,” was her quick answer before she turned the machine off. 

_Well, that may have been a mistake_ , she thought as she slowly got to her feet. She wasn’t much in the mood to fix things now and she felt at least as unsettled as she had when she had awoken that morning. Her hands trembled slightly as she carried her uneaten dinner back to the kitchen and rested them on the counter. _We’re almost done_ , she reassured herself. _Then we’ll go back. It won’t be long now._

Shaking her head to dispel her thoughts, she washed up and headed to the room she had taken while she was here. It had been the cleanest when she’d arrived. Now, she wearily threw herself onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, taking deep breaths to steady herself. It was time to sleep. A good nights’ sleep and she’d be all set.

“Rey.”

The voice startled her and she jumped to her feet, pulling her lightsaber toward her from the kitchen. Before realizing that it would be of little use – Force ghosts were unlikely to be harmed by such a weapon. “Master Leia,” she answered, trying to calm her jangled nerves.

“Rey, we need to talk.”


	3. I see the times that we'll never have, I hear the sighs of content we'd breathe

“What about?” Rey asked with forced levity.

Master Leia looked at her intently for a long moment and Rey swallowed. “Why did you come here, Rey?”

“To honor you. And Master Luke. For training me.”

This explanation was met with a snort. “ _I_ trained you. And I’ve never been to this place. Only to the planet once and it was… less than enjoyable.”

“What happened?” Rey wanted to know, eyes shining at the prospect of hearing one of Master Leia’s stories.

The ghost looked like she wasn’t going to be so easily distracted, but gave in after seeing Rey’s expression. “Han was a captive of Jabba the Hutt. You’ve heard how that happened?”

“Yes, he was put in carbonite on Cloud City by Darth Vader.”

Leia nodded, gazing into the middle distance as she became lost in memory. “It took a long time, but Luke came up with a plan. Lando was already here, working for Jabba. I followed along a week or so later, bringing Chewie as my prisoner. Chewie wasn’t a fan of this idea, of course, but he was the logical choice. Jabba would want him because he flew with Han – and was part of the crew that dumped Jabba’s shipment. The rest of us were of less importance. Even the bounties placed by the Empire wouldn’t matter so much in this backwater.”

Her nose wrinkled as she glanced around what must seem a tiny hovel to a princess. Rey smiled at the reaction. How lovely Alderaan must have been – a beautiful green place to grown up. Her heart clenched with sudden longing and she looked away.

“The plan was to release Han and escape, with Lando as backup if necessary. I suppose. It wasn’t a well-thought-out plan, Rey. I hope you think ahead more than we did during the war. In any case, it went to bantha fodder soon enough. I snuck out to free Han from the carbonite when everyone was asleep, but I must have tipped my hand somehow because they were waiting for me.”

“But you freed him?”

Leia nodded, sorrow lining her features. “Yes. I freed him. He was temporarily blind and didn’t know me right away. But then I kissed him and thought everything was going to be alright.” 

Rey swallowed convulsively, suddenly wishing she hadn’t asked to hear the story. If only Leia had made whatever point she intended, then Rey could safely get back to work. Back to fixing parts – the one thing she was good at doing.

“Of course, that didn’t last long. Jabba and his court were there to capture both of us and put me in some ridiculous outfit like the rest of his slaves. Luke came along not long after to save the day. His plan was even more convoluted than the original one, but it worked out. I choked Jabba using the chain he’d put on me and we blew up his barges to escape, sending a message to other gangsters. Then headed back to the Rebellion, to fight another day.”

“That’s wonderful,” Rey said with a broad smile, only a little forced.

Leia cleared her throat and looked intently at Rey again. “It can be hard, but we must always go back to keep fighting.”

“Always?”

“Until the battle is won.”

A slight frown crossed Rey’s face. “We won. I defeated the Emperor. And the Sith.”

“While evil exists in the galaxy, it is our duty to work to eradicate it,” Leia told her insistently and Rey’s frown deepened.

“Do you really think it can ever be completely eradicated?”

Leia considered, seeming surprised by the question. “Perhaps not. But the New Republic can be set up to diminish it. And we can fight to preserve peace wherever it exists.”

Rey felt a surge of anger pass through her and got to her feet. “But never have it ourselves? Always be fighting?” Her fists clenched at her sides and Leia looked up at her wearily. “I’ve been fighting to survive for my entire life. Maybe it’s time for a little peace.”

“Rey – ”

“And maybe, if you’d done the same, your son would never have fallen. Maybe he would still be alive!” she snapped.

Leia’s eyes were wide with surprise and anguish, and Rey instantly regretted her words. Before she could apologize, Leia disappeared. Rey’s hands shook as she stared at the empty space where her former master had been, shocked at her own behavior. What had possessed her to bring that up? It hardly mattered anymore, she reminded herself firmly but she felt sick. The weight of all the things she’d been ignoring crashed down on her – her lineage, Ben’s fate, the gaping emptiness of her future – and she sank heavily to her knees. In a daze, she leaned forward to pillow her head in her arms on the edge of the bed, aware that she was weeping. The tears went on and on and she let them, shoulders shaking, as she finally allowed herself to give into her grief and frustration.

Why was she here, really? Just to hide? To hide from the Resistance, from her friends. From everyone’s expectations for the last Jedi to solve all their problems. To hide from her dismay at who her parents turned out to be. To hide from the reality of her loss in this war. She had been a scavenger in an endless desert, desperately clinging to an idea of someone coming back for her. Was now really any different? It was as hopeless then as it was now.

“Rey,” Luke’s gentle voice interrupted her thoughts. “We all need a little peace now and again. But the galaxy needs you.”

“I don’t care,” she snarled, finally looking up to glare at him. However culpable Leia was in Ben’s fall, Luke had been the more direct cause. He had given up on Ben and she couldn’t forgive him for that.

“Please don’t come after me with your staff again, Rey,” Luke teased lightly, reading her expression. He sobered. “I apologized to Ben and prevented him from causing Leia’s death, something he’d never forgive himself for. I know you feel that was too little and too late, but I gave my life to help him.”

“Lot of good that did,” she grumbled, refusing to look at him. This was bitterness – she may have understood the sacrifice he had made, how it had helped bring Ben back to her. But it was only for a fleeting moment of happiness. “It’s just not fair.”

Luke didn’t answer right away. “No, it’s not,” he sighed, sitting down next to her.

“He’s not even… Why couldn’t he at least be like you and Leia, so I could still see him sometimes?” she asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know,” Luke admitted. “But I do know he wouldn’t want you to be here, working yourself to the bone in the desert. You can leave, Rey. You can return to your friends or go find your peace somewhere else. But you have no reason to be here, in this graveyard, with only ghosts for company.”

He was right. There was nothing for her here, just like there had been nothing for her on Jakku. Staying there had been only to feed a foolish dream. Here was hardly any different – it was just a familiar pattern to return to. There were plenty of broken things to fix in the galaxy and certainly she could do her part to help with that.

“Alright,” she whispered. “I’ll go back.”


	4. I feel the smile that I wish I had, but all these moments are projections of the past

At dawn the next morning, Rey left Tattooine. She left behind everything from her projects, taking only her blaster and lightsaber with her. Neither Force ghost appeared to her again, which was something of a relief. The concept of ghosts was not a pleasant one, nor was it something she knew a great deal about. Who had this power? How long would it last?

No answers were forthcoming so she took the small ship she’d borrowed and headed back toward the center of the galaxy. It would take the better part of a day to get there, but she was in no hurry. She sat in the cockpit, watching the lights flash and change as she flew past places she had never been, worlds she had never seen. Might never see.

She had been to more planets in the last year than she could ever have imagined visiting. If she had been lived somewhere other than Jakku, she could remember nothing before its shifting sands buried everything else. But now she had seen so much of the galaxy and it had brought her joy every time. Even seeing the wasteland of Tattooine had been a thrill – Luke Skywalker really had grown up in a similar situation to herself.

But what did that matter now? Any similarities she had to her childhood hero were meaningless. Her abilities came from the most evil man in the galaxy – her grandfather – not anything special about herself. She had been devastated when Ben had helped her admit that her parents were nobodies. But this was far worse. They could have hidden her anywhere – why Jakku? Was there really nothing they could have done to save her? Why had they not joined the Resistance, or even told anyone, that the Emperor was still alive? It made no sense.

Rey pulled herself from her thoughts when she realized that anything not tied down in the cockpit was floating haphazardly around her. They crashed down onto the floor as soon as she noticed, the jarring sound reflective of her own feelings. In the heat of battle, there had been little time to process her lineage. But now… She wasn’t one of the heroes, a Skywalker or a Solo. She wasn’t even a nobody. No, she was the descendent of pure evil. If she had been anyone else, she knew she could help the Resistance rebuild the galaxy. But what could the granddaughter of the person who had orchestrated this dystopia possibly offer anyone?

A few hours later, her ship dropped out of lightspeed. She wiped her hands on her trousers, aware that there was probably grease on her face and that her clothes were stained. Still, it had been nice to work on repairs instead of thinking. She headed back to the pilot’s seat and flew the rest of the way into Coruscant. The city planet was overwhelming, especially after the quiet of the desert. It took her full concentration to find where she was going and to navigate there safely, even with the automation of the ship helping her along the way.

It still felt like a novelty that the Resistance was no longer in hiding, that she didn’t have to take evasive maneuvers to return to them or go through any hidden channels to contact them. No, anyone could go to Coruscant and see her friends in the Capitol now. It was completely different from the last year of her life, and, she realized, her childhood as well. To live out in the open would be a very new experience.

She made contact with the tower and was given a landing site. It was a busy place, but she was excited at the prospect of walking through some of the city before likely being stuck indoors for some time – if her previous experience before she left for Tattooine was any indication. There had been a lot of stuffy rooms and fraught conversations that had made her think there must be something she could do until things died down a bit. Hopefully they had.

Since she hadn’t told anyone she was returning today, she was surprised to find that people were waiting for her when she arrived. To her consternation, none of them were her friends – just regular people.

“The Jedi!”

“Are you going to restart the school?”

“How did you defeat the Emperor?”

“Did you kill Kylo Ren?”

“Is Luke Skywalker coming back?”

She wanted to cover her ears at the cacophony of questions, these and others she couldn’t discern in the noise. Amid the questions were generic cheers about the Resistance and about her leading it, which was obviously not true. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she tried to put on a friendly face and get away from the crowd as quickly as possible. They moved nearer to her ship and she wondered how they could possibly have known it was her inside.

Hands grabbed at her clothes, at the loose fabric of her sash and she withdrew sharply until her back was pressed against her ship. Her breath was coming short and she hastily put up an invisible barrier between her and the crowd, though not before one had pulled on the leather band on her arm with enough force for it to come off.

“Thank you for the kind words,” she called, hoping to settle them as she covered her upper arm with the opposite hand. “Please move out of the way.” The latter phrase was said with more Force and she was relieved that most obeyed her suggestion. It didn’t work on everyone – such tricks never did – but it was enough for her to get out of the hangar and away. Reaching into her pack, she pulled out a black cloak that could more effectively hide her in the crowd than her small hood. Thus disguised, she was relieved to make it to the building where she had been staying and where her friends were, mercifully, still residing.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t come in – Rey!” Kaydel’s familiar voice greeted her and Rey grinned.

“I suppose I should have sent a message I was coming,” she admitted.

Kaydel pulled her in for a hug. “Of course not – you can always drop by. I’ve got a bunch of ambassadors I’m about to have to greet diplomatically, so you’d better head upstairs if you don’t want to be part of the welcoming committee,” she teased.

Laughing, Rey headed quickly for the elevator. “Thanks for the warning. It’s great to see you,” she added belatedly as the doors closed. A sigh escaped her as she rethought her idea to come here – what committees would she be expected to be part of? Luke had told her she could go anywhere – maybe she should reconsider that idea.

The elevator doors opened onto a large room with a few seats near the windows. It was empty except for Poe Dameron talking to a woman Rey didn’t recognize. He noticed her and grinned.

“There’s our Jedi. We were starting to get worried we’d be on our own in this,” he said as he headed over to embrace her. The woman he’d been addressing turned around and watched the exchange uncertainly.

“Figured I shouldn’t leave you in charge for too long,” Rey replied with a smile.

Poe snorted. “Go see Finn and take that attitude with you. He’s in the third room on the left,” he added when Rey hesitated.

Following his directions, she hastened down the hallway to find that Finn was addressing a room full of people. Silently, she slipped in at the back and waited. Finn spotted her and couldn’t hide his look of delight, though he continued his talk. Rose and Jannah were with him, and both smiled at her. Rose made her way over to stand with her while they waited. It did not take long for Finn to finish, talking about the unity of the galaxy or something.

“Rey!” Finn called happily as he hurried over with a grin. The people he’d been addressing began to file out, Jannah and Rose speaking to a few as they left. “I didn’t think you’d be back for a while. It’s great to see you!”

“Great to see you, too. All of you,” she amended as she smiled at the other ladies.

“How was your Jedi quest?” Jannah asked somberly.

Rey swallowed and forced her smile to return. “It was good. Glad to be back, though.”

Jannah nodded, glancing at Finn, who continued to smile at Rey.

“What happened to your arm band?” Rose wanted to know.

“It’s nothing,” Rey replied, hastily covering the spot on her upper arm with her hand. The silence stretched uncomfortably as Jannah and Finn exchanged a glance and Rose raised an eyebrow. For over a year, Rey had successfully hidden the scar and was dismayed at how poorly she was doing it now.

Fortunately, Poe chose that moment to come into the room. “Well, I think this calls for a celebration, don’t you think? I know just the place.”

Rose gave Finn a sidelong look but both were smiling. Jannah was harder for Rey to read, but looked pleased. It was clear that the others were supportive of this idea, so Rey kept silent, resigning herself to a much more expansive welcome than she had been hoping for.


	5. Cuz a part of me died and a liveliness was lost when you passed, and a light in me dimmed as a certainty was slipping through my grasp

Rose insisted that Rey couldn’t go out in her current greasy, sandy outfit, no matter how comfortable it was. Rey protested but then Jannah and Kaydel agreed with her and they all went to get ready. Well, what they called getting ready, which differed greatly from Rey’s experience of preparation. She had only once put this much attention into her wardrobe, and that was because she had to go out during a sandstorm. Well, there was one other time she had put thought into her appearance, but she preferred to avoid thinking of it.

In any case, she was eventually deemed ready, dressed in Kaydel’s clothes, with her hair down and curled slightly. The others were wearing flimsier attire than she was willing to wear, and she also insisted on wearing trousers rather than skirts – though her friends had selected fancier ones than she would normally have chosen. Kaydel told her she could borrow her clothes any time, and that they should go shopping together. She tried not to be too skeptical about that idea, hoping her smile was at least polite if not warm, and was relieved when they bustled off to rejoin the others.

Poe had a lot of friends. By the time they had left the building, Rey knew less than half of their party by name and had conversed with even fewer. Some she recognized as Resistance fighters, but she had no idea how Poe knew the rest. It was something of a relief to share a ride with Finn and Rose. Jannah had disappeared into a group of friends – possibly her former company of defected stormtroopers. 

The place Poe had chosen was loud and fully crammed with people. Rey couldn’t imagine how all of them could fit into it, but somehow they did. Someone put a cup into her hands and she realized she was quite thirsty. The noise became less noisome after that, and she was soon grinning and dancing.

This went on for a while – keeping track of time was too confusing to do – and then the establishment was much less crowded. People had smiled at her and said nice things when they left. It wasn’t as distressing as it had been with the crowd in the hangar but was still not a wholly pleasant sensation. Rey did her best to smile back or nod in thanks for the compliments, but her head felt fuzzy and she didn’t know what the appropriate response was.

Eventually, she found herself back in the big building where they would sleep tonight and work tomorrow. Rey wasn’t sure what kinds of names buildings had in places where there were so many of them – surely there must be some way to tell them apart? Not that she would get lost or go into the wrong one. She just didn’t know the word.

“A toast!” Poe called, disrupting her scattered thoughts.

They still had drinks somehow, though she wasn’t sure how that had happened. She hoped she hadn’t accidentally stolen a cup from the watering hole. Poe’s sentiment was echoed by the remaining members of her party and she flushed.

“A toast to our Jedi, the hero of the Galaxy!” he said.

“To our hero!” was the response and everyone drank. She had no idea if she was supposed to drink to herself, but she did. There were cheers and laughter. Things got fuzzy for a while and the next thing she knew, she was eating a plate of some delicious meat with the most amazing sauce on it. She felt like she hadn’t eaten in days.

Someone was giggling next to her and she turned to find Rose sitting there. “What?” she asked with her mouth full.

“A lot better than rations, huh?” Rose teased.

“Definitely!”

She was startled by someone dropping into the seat on the other side of her. “What are you girls talking about?” Poe asked. “The boys you like?”

For some reason, Rey started gigging and was relieved that Rose did the same. “No, Poe, girls don’t always talk about boys,” Rose admonished between giggles.

Several other people joined them, including Finn, Jannah, and people Rey didn’t know. She smiled at them anyway.

“Well, Rose, I think the wars over and we won. So maybe we should be thinking about settling down. That’s what our parents did, after all, and is why all of us are here,” Poe continued, leading to raucous laughter. Grinning, Poe put his arm around the back of the seat and Rey leaned forward automatically. “So, we’re all friends here. I am not ashamed to say that I have a particular friend in mind I’d like to see a bit more of.”

The ladies present all giggled helplessly and the gentlemen looked a little miffed. “Oh, really?” Finn asked. “I bet you wouldn’t say that to her face.”

“I have. Apologies to those of you with… unique upbringings, but some of us have been in a relationship before. Have you even kissed a girl before, Finn?”

There was an uncomfortable silence as Rose and Finn both blushed brightly. “Of course,” he mumbled.

“Congratulations. Did things get exciting in the stormtrooper barracks or have you been getting busy on base without me noticing?”

More raucous laughter. It was starting to hurt Rey’s ears. “You might be surprised what we get up to,” Jannah teased Poe and he laughed in earnest.

“I bet I would. You’ll have to tell me all about it sometime.” Jannah blushed and Rey had a sinking feeling as Poe turned his attention to her. “How about you, Rey? I hear the Jedi were celibate, but are you planning on continuing that tradition?”

“I… don’t know,” she replied slowly.

“Have you ever been kissed, Rey?” Rose asked, and Rey appreciated greatly that she’d redirected the question.

Sitting up a little taller, Rey nodded. “I have.”

Everyone reacted strongly to that – some cheers, some distress. “You have? In that junkyard? Or have you been sneaking off to see some boy here lately? With a little help from the Force, maybe?”

That felt too like the truth for Rey, given her current inebriation, and she started coughing so hard that she could barely breathe.

“I think that’s a yes,” Jannah said drily as Rose patted Rey’s back helpfully.

“Hmm, I shall make it my mission to find out who.”

The conversation turned but Rey wasn’t really listening anymore. She pulled her sleeve down to cover her scar and it was a sobering thought to consider how they would react to the truth.

Somehow they got back home and slept late the next morning. Well, at least Rey slept late. It was strange to awaken when the sun was so high in the sky and her first thought was to panic about how much work she would have to do. Then she remembered where she was and supposed that there wasn’t any work for her here, nothing to distract herself from the endless emptiness she felt. At least she had slept well for the first time in weeks – maybe she should ask Rose to get her more of that stuff they were drinking.

With some trepidation, she left her quarters in search of food. There was an area with a table full of large containers of food. Finn was there, picking over the remains of his breakfast. He gave her a slight smile in greeting, which turned to a grimace as he held his head.

“Fun night,” he muttered as she sat down with a full plate.

She nodded and focused on her food. It was delicious and she had never been given so many options before. She would never get used to this plenty, let alone the variety. She made quick work of her first plate and was deciding what to go back for when Finn put his hand on her arm.

“What?” she asked a little sharply, old instincts kicking in as she pulled back to guard her food.

He seemed startled and sat back abruptly, making her instantly regret her reaction. “I’m glad you’re back. Finished with your Jedi stuff for now?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

“Well, you killed that evil creature, Palpatine. And both Supreme Leaders, it looks like. So hopefully you can stick around for a while and help us out.”

His face was so earnest and hopeful that her heart clenched. How could she ever tell him the truth? About herself? About what really happened with Snoke? About Ben?

Swallowing, she forced herself to nod. “Hopefully.”

He glanced around then leaned closer to her. “I’ve been wanting to tell you something. For a while now.” He paused, waiting for her response and she nodded again uncertainly. “I think that I can feel things through the Force. And I thought maybe you could train me?”


	6. Now I'm picking up the pieces getting cut open by shards of broken glass

It made sense for Finn to be able to sense the Force – many people could. The Jedi texts talked about harnessing an inclination that most creatures were born having. Some could be trained to manipulate it at will, though only a very small percentage. It rarely passed down familiarly, even before the Jedi took to celibacy. The Skywalkers were a divergence, as were apparently the Palpatines. In any case, children were the most likely to hone their abilities before adulthood solidified what a person believed they were capable of doing.

“I don’t know if I can,” Rey blurted in response to Finn’s request.

He looked taken aback and maybe a bit hurt. “Oh. Well, that’s okay. I’m sure it’s nothing like what you can do.”

The implication that she was some paragon made her swallow and the next words came with difficulty. “I… I think you should definitely try to develop your power. But I’m… not such an expert –”

“Of course you are! You’re a brilliant Jedi, Rey. No one else could teach me about the Light Side as well as you could.”

“Finn… I barely had any training,” she tried again.

He scoffed at that. “You were trained by Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa. Please, Rey, I need a teacher.”

The memory of being told she had such a need struck her almost violently and she nearly fled the room. What would he possibly think if he knew about that connection? About her antecedents? Would he praise her then? Want to have her train him if he knew how familiar she was with the Dark Side?

“Maybe you can just think about,” Finn offered in the face of her silence. She managed a nod before he excused himself.

Her plate was not empty but she gave it only a resigned glance before hastily leaving the room. There were people in the hallways who smiled at her and may have stopped her to talk about something or other. About her being the last Jedi and how she would help put the galaxy to rights, more than likely. It was not a discussion she wished to have, so she hurried toward the hangar bays.

A building of this size, with its many uses and prime location (from what she’d heard), had an array of hangars for any number of visitors. This meant that her search took rather longer than she had hoped. Her anxiety was ever building as she did her best to actively avoid people she knew and to look too busy to engage with those she didn’t. Finally, though, she found it – the Millennium Falcon.

It looked a bit the worse for wear but she smiled with relief upon seeing it. A quick search revealed that Chewie was, unfortunately, not nearby. That was alright, she decided, and headed inside anyway. It had clearly been used by other people since she had flown it last but she was extremely tickled to find the nest of porgs was still there.

“Hello, little friends,” she said. “Perhaps I should take you back to Ahch-To.” Porgs must have long childhoods because it had been over a year and chick showed no signs of learning to fly like its parents. Chewie had been taking care of them, but she had tried her hand at the task when she could. It was very rewarding and she couldn’t stop the smile that formed on her face as the chick squeaked at her in recognition.

Surely she should return them to the rest of their species on Ahch-To, though. There weren’t enough of them on the ship to start a new population, for one. And they were bound to be missing their friends and family. They would want to finally go home, no matter how much they were enjoying their lives here.

The sound of approaching voices startled her out of her reverie and she looked around hastily. It was clearly not Chewie approaching – he would be louder – so she hurried to the captain’s quarters, correctly assuming it would be untouched. If anyone had used it since Han Solo was in residence, there was no sign. She was careful not to touch anything for fear of her power to read the history in objects and she had no desire to dredge up old ghosts.

However, the voices were getting louder and she had no desire to talk to the living, either. So she opened up the closet and climbed inside, listening. It was impossible not to touch some of the hanging clothes, but no troubling memories seemed to emanate from them because she had no visions. Just a muddled sense of the familiar, which she chose to ignore.

Feet were stamping around outside, in the hallway, and people were shouting about some tech or other. She was good at waiting and let her mind wander as she did so. It was too dark in the closet to see anything, but she ran her fingers idly across the soft fabric garments, wondering if having different outfits might be as fun as having different food options at meals. It seemed unlikely, and her clothes were quite functional. If a bit cold sometimes. But perhaps she would take Kaydel up on the offer of shopping.

“Dad, don’t go!” a familiar voice ripped through her head and she snatched her hand away. But only for a moment – she reached again and saw a vision this time. A young Ben Solo, looking imploringly up at his father as he stood at the bottom of the gangplank while Han Solo stood at the top.

“I have to, kid,” he replied gruffly. “Look after your mother.”

Rey wrapped her arms around her chest and the vision began to fade. Suddenly, the boy turned to look at her. “Rey? Rey!” he called as he took a step forward before disappearing.

Shaken, she scrambled out of the closet and back into the well-lit bedroom, tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to understand what she had seen. The power she had that enabled her to read objects had never been quite like this. Usually it was a thought or a feeling, only a vision very occasionally. It felt like the first time, when she’d touched the lightsaber and been transported into several visions. Visions with Luke and R2, with her younger self and Unkar Plutt, with Kylo Ren, first surrounded by his Knights and then alone. None of them had reacted to her presence except for Ben. Just the same as now. What could that mean?

Hesitantly, she reached out with the Force in search of Master Leia or Luke. Nothing responded even though she knew they had spent a great deal of time on this ship and it would hold memories of them if she wished to search. She wanted to ask them about what she had seen, about what had really happened on Exegol – if there was any chance that – no, she wouldn’t admit that desire even to herself. It would be too devastating to allow herself to hope. But she could not resist reaching out again, this time searching blindly. Though she could feel the life of all the people in this building, in this city, few had pronounced Force signatures and none strong enough to know the answers to her questions.

Getting to her feet, she left the Falcon and returned to her quarters, finding the Jedi Texts hidden just where she had left them. It felt like some time ago but she supposed it hadn’t really been that long since she was last here. She had not taken them to Tattooine because she’d had no intention, even then, of dwelling on her powers. She had wanted an escape, not an opportunity to learn more about her abilities. She had wanted to ignore them entirely, though that hadn’t been successful.

There was not a table large enough in her quarters so she took the books in search of a better study location. There were rooms on the lower levels intended for meetings between political parties and she remembered that the tables in those chambers filled most of the room, so headed that way. Again people she passed were smiling at her and she did her best to return the expression to avoid seeming rude.

Finally she got to the lift and stopped short when Finn and Rose stepped off, clearly deep in discussion.

“Rey!” Rose called with a grin. “Haven’t seen you all day – what have you been up to?”

“I was going to study,” she admitted.

Finn’s expression brightened. “Can I come with you?”

Since Rose didn’t seem too surprised by this request, Rey supposed she must know about his burgeoning abilities. “I don’t know…”

“Were you trying to look up something in particular?” Rose asked, glancing at Finn.

“Well, sort of – ”

“I can help you find it!” Finn offered with more exuberance than she would have liked, though she generally enjoyed his excitement. His stark upbringing mirrored hers and they were often delighted by all the new things they were getting to experience.

Rey cleared her throat and Rose shot her a concerned look. Ignoring it, Rey nodded. “Yes, that would be very helpful. I don’t think I’d be a very good teacher, but I would enjoy having a study partner.”

Laughing, Finn held out his hands to take a few of the books himself. She hadn’t realized how heavy they were until she had given him a few, somewhat grudgingly.

“I’ll leave you to it. Tell me all about what you learn later, Finn,” Rose told him with a smile.

He grinned and nodded. “I will! Thank you, Rey,” he added more quietly to Rey as they boarded the lift. “And don’t worry – I’m sure it’ll be a breeze.” 

Letting his optimism wash over her, she smiled, daring to think he might be right. Surely the Texts had to be good for something, after all, or they wouldn’t have been so carefully written and protected. Though still shaken from her vision, she felt much more cheerful as she and Finn headed down to study.


	7. Well how long can this last, missing is that purpose in my life but I can get it back

Studying the Jedi texts was time-consuming and arduous, particularly due to the esoteric writing style. Neither Rey nor Finn had been particularly scholarly in the past, so getting through them was a difficult task. Finn just wanted to learn and was generally excited whenever they sat down to study. Rey had a more specific goal in mind and found pontifications on the Force to be more tedious than anything else. Her gratitude that working with Finn helped her stay motivated was somewhat diminished by the way he deferred to her interpretations rather than engaging with the material himself.

Luke had been an unwilling teacher, though she had learned a few important truths from him. Master Leia was more dedicated to passing on what she knew, but her teaching method was as efficient and direct as was her approach to everything else. And Ben… Well, best not to dwell on what she’d learned from him. In any case, Rey was frustrated that studying with Finn was not particularly edifying for her and she tried to comfort herself with the fact that he seemed to be learning quite a bit.

They were scheduled to meet every day, and managed to find time in their schedules to do so most of the time. Days turned into weeks and Rey was increasingly dissatisfied. She found it necessary to retreat to the Falcon from time to time, though no further visions manifested. Perhaps that was for the best. She wanted answers, but they were not forthcoming from either the texts or the Force itself. And it had been a painful experience to see him again. So she tried to resign herself to the tasks allotted to her as the sole Jedi in the new Republic.

Teaching Finn was a vastly preferable use of her time than many of the other jobs she was given. Yes, she was able to use the Force at will, but she had no experience in diplomacy. Her upbringing had required a very different set of skills and she struggled to work with people who were more concerned about themselves than they were the needs of others, a trait she had naively thought was relegated to those struggling to survive. She quickly found that she was passionate to help people in the kinds of desperate straits that she had raised herself in, but the fact that those in power had different priorities made her outlook grow increasingly bleak.

“How did Leia do this her entire life?” Rey asked rhetorically as she stared into her drink at dinner. The last meeting with diplomats had gone long and it had taken all of Rey’s limited self-control to keep from throwing them around the room as they continually refused to listen to Kaydel’s entreaties on behalf of the New Republic. What was the point of even having a Jedi in that meeting if she couldn’t do anything?

Rose patted her shoulder in sympathy. “You’re doing great, Rey.”

Poe and Finn joined them before Rey could express the depth of her concerns. “What’s wrong?” Finn asked her.

“Bad day,” she replied briskly.

Rose and Finn exchanged a glance around her while Poe frowned at his plate. “You’d think the Capitol could have a greater variety,” he muttered. Finn nudged him and he looked up at Rey. “Don’t worry, kid, getting people to work together is much more difficult when we don’t have a common enemy. People never believed the First Order was a real threat until it was destroying the Hosnian System. Now they don’t believe us that it’s been reduced but isn’t gone. It’s poetic.”

“Poetic?” Finn echoed skeptically.

“Yes, poetic,” Poe emphasized with a broad smile. “Anyway, Rey, you can always use that mind trick thing you have if negotiations are going badly.”

Rose choked on her drink and shot him a glare. “That’s not a very Jedi thing to do.”

“From what I’ve heard, it seems like exactly what a Jedi would do,” Rey grumbled to herself, thinking of Luke’s opinion of the Order. “But I think history has shown it’s not the best tactic to keep a Republic together.”

With a shrug, Poe returned to his dinner. “You have a point. But they did ensure peace in the galaxy for a thousand years, regardless of how it ended.”

Rey’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not going to trick people into doing what we want them to. I have no idea how long it lasts,” she added. “They might rethink things as soon as the meeting is over and it will have been useless. Besides, it only works on the weak minded.”

“So most politicians,” Poe grinned and even Rey had to laugh at that, in spite of her mood. “Rey, we appreciate that you are here, helping Kaydel and Lando with the negotiations. Your presence is a boon to us.”

“A boon?” Rose was incredulous at the phrasing.

With a wave of his hand, Poe continued. “You’re a symbol to the galaxy, Rey. A symbol of hope. Having even your tacit support of our plans significantly helps. You single-handedly defeated Kylo Ren on more than one occasion, killed Snoke, and destroyed Palpatine. You’re a hero of the highest order, wiping out the evil in the galaxy.”

Finn and Rose both nodded their support and Rey had a sinking feeling. None of those things were strictly true and she was afraid of what would happen if they knew the truth. Would they send her away? Where would she go? Her whole life had been so simple on Jakku, focused on one goal – waiting for her family. And even Tattooine had been a welcome respite from the uncertainty of serving the New Republic.

“Hey, you okay?” Rose asked softly.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she replied, getting hastily to her feet. “I have some things to do.”

“Way to put on the pressure, Poe,” she heard Rose admonish before she was out of earshot. Her heart was pounding so loud she almost expected the passerby to hear, so she headed to her one refuge. Her quarters were nice, but the living area was densely packed and she could never really expect to find lasting privacy there – it was, after all, the first place people would look for her. So to the Falcon she went, hiding in the captain’s quarters until her tears had eased and she felt like her heartbeat was back to its normal speed.

Taking a shaky breath, she got to her feet. “Rey?” She jumped and turned to find Rose standing in the doorway, a look of chagrin on her face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your grieving process.”

“My what?” Rey asked, confused, which only increased Rose’s discomfort.

No longer making eye contact, Rose looked behind her and shuffled her feet. “I mean… I know you knew Han Solo and saw him – well, you know. We all just assumed that’s why you come here. Isn’t it?”

Rey had to look away from Rose’s scrutiny as the other woman’s expression was expectant and sympathetic. “Not exactly,” she admitted, heart pounding at the sudden insane impulse to tell her friend the truth. And to let whatever happened happen.

“Hmm. Do you want to talk about it?”

Yes, the voice in Rey’s head screamed but she kept her mouth shut, waffling with the desire for someone, anyone, to understand what she was going through and the desire to be who everyone thought she was. Rose looked so concerned, so gentle, that Rey gave in to the former. “I didn’t kill Snoke.”

“What?” This response was clearly not what Rose was expecting and she was startled before incredulous. “Of course you did. We all saw the First Order’s propaganda. We know Snoke is dead – that’s how Kylo Ren became the Supreme Leader for the last year or so. Though I suppose we all thought the Emperor was dead thirty years ago,” she added thoughtfully.

Rey cleared her throat, which felt very dry. “He is dead. I saw him killed. But I didn’t do it myself.”

“Who did?”

“Ben – Kylo Ren did.”

Brow furrowing, Rose seemed rather angry about that, which was not what Rey expected. “Did he? And he made you the scapegoat for him to climb the ladder? I knew he was evil but that was pretty low.”

Shoulders sagging, Rey nodded. “Yeah, pretty low,” she echoed.

Poe or even Finn would probably have let it go at that, but Rose put her hand on Rey’s shoulder and looked up at her. “That’s not why you told me. What really happened on the Supremacy, Rey? Why were you there, if not to kill Snoke?”

Well, now or never, Rey thought as she took a deep breath. She was already on the Falcon, so could quickly escape if Rose didn’t take the news well. Her belongings, including the Jedi texts, were in her quarters and she would mourn their loss. But not too badly – she’d have to go into hiding, so studying the ways of the Jedi would probably not be very important. As for the rest, she was very good at finding useful things in hostile environments.

“I went there for Ben. Ben Solo. Leia’s son.”

“Leia had a son?” The past tense froze her tongue and she stared for a moment before realizing that Rose had referred to Leia’s passing, not Ben’s. Rose’s incredulity reminded her of what she had been saying.

“Kylo Ren.” Rose had no words for that, clearly shocked, so Rey continued. “I went because I thought I could turn him back from the Dark Side. He did not choose to leave with me. But he did kill Snoke to save my life. And fought with me against Snoke’s guards,” she smiled at the memory of being so in sync with another person, so unexpectedly on the same page for the first time. “But then he wanted me to stay and rule. I had to leave.” There were tears in her eyes despite the brevity of her retelling.

She turned her attention to Rose with some trepidation. The other woman’s shock seemed to have diminished and was now looking thoughtful. “How did you know that was an option?”

“We… have – had a bond. In the Force. It connected us sometimes.”

Rose blinked slowly. “You’re telling me that you had a psychic connection with the Supreme Leader of the First Order for over a year? And never mentioned it? Did he help you defeat the Emperor, too?”

“Yes. He saved the galaxy and my life.”

“And then what happened?” Rose prodded with surprising gentleness.

“He died.”


	8. I see no soul in the mirror, only see signs of demise getting nearer

Rose was looking at her with a pensive expression. Rey felt better having told someone the truth at last, to give Ben proper due for his part in defeating the Emperor, rather than remain hated across the galaxy. She fought the urge to tell everyone, both sides, what Ben had done for them. And for her. But she wasn’t prepared yet to accept how it would change the way she was viewed, particularly if it led to her lineage coming out. 

People saw her as a beacon of hope, she had been told in every briefing, on every mission, through every interaction with the common folk of the galaxy. To take that away from them, even now that there had been a victory and hope was restored, was not something she could do. It had been difficult enough to come to terms with the fact that the legendary Luke Skywalker was an isolationist old man, grappling with his own monumental failure. The stories told about him now praised his facing off with the entire First Order, unaware of this truth about himself. People needed stories of hope. She understood that need comprehensively and was prepared to sacrifice her own desires in the face of it. Even as it had steadily worn her down and made her long for an escape.

“I think we’d better talk to Poe. And Finn,” Rose said quietly.

“Why?”

“We’re your friends, Rey. You shouldn’t have had to bear this on your own. Why don’t you stay here and I’ll go get them. If that’s okay?”

Rose paused in the doorway, giving Rey a chance to say no. Or to escape while she was gone. The thought was tempting, but she didn’t think she would ever get over this if she fled. A nice retiring life was appealing on some level – being a fugitive from the New Republic was not. She’d been hiding her whole life from her past and she didn’t want to spend her future the same way. If they didn’t understand, if they wanted her to leave when they found out the truth – well, that wouldn’t be unexpected. Then she could leave and be satisfied in the knowledge that no one would come looking for her.

Rey headed to the communal area of the Falcon and sat down, trying to make herself comfortable but unable to keep from fidgeting. She was going to tell them everything – about Ben, about herself, about the Emperor. Even if it meant losing her only friends… Her heart clenched at the thought and she stood up abruptly, stopping herself before she could race to the cockpit. Rose would probably keep her secret if she fled, but there was no path forward that guaranteed she wouldn’t be alone. She ached with emptiness.

For weeks, she had been hiding the truth about everything and, more importantly, her own feelings about the events of the last year. She was so tired of hiding, of denying herself everything. That was the way it had always been, ignoring her own needs and fixating on the hope that her parents would return for her. That she had been loved and this separation was necessary. That it wouldn’t go on forever and someday she would be reunited with them.

But they were dead. She had always known that, deep down. Buried it as soon as she realized it must be the case because she would have given up on everything otherwise. There would be no reason to get up in the morning, to work her fingers to the bone all day, to beg for scraps from a cruel master. Without the hope that her parents would return, there would be nothing for her. So she had clung to that with a single-minded focus for fifteen years.

She couldn’t do that anymore. She couldn’t go back to that naïve hope that someday she would be important, cared for, loved. Not now, when she knew what those things were actually like. The reality of having friends and being a hero of the New Republic made her meager dreams of heroic adventures pale in comparison. She couldn’t go back to living in isolation, imagining when she had not been alone. Even the memories would be too hard to bear. That was why she had to leave Tatooine and why she was a fool to think she could ever have stayed there.

But Coruscant was cold comfort. Yes, her friends surrounded her and she could easily see the effect her actions had on the galaxy – all the good she was able to do by being here. But it wasn’t enough. It never would be. She knew what it felt like to be loved by another person so deeply that he would give his life to save hers. To feel his emotions and know he felt hers, but never judged her for them. That someone had finally – finally! – understood the pain and the loneliness that she had suppressed her entire life. She knew his past and had seen a vision of his future. But for what? So that the most evil person in the galaxy could drain his life from him and that he would give the rest to her, the granddaughter of the real monster?

She swallowed in revulsion at the idea that, in a way, the Emperor had won. The First Order was still out there, the Final Order not completely eradicated. The selfishness of people living in the Republic kept the practice of slavery alive and well, and evil was still very much a part of life. Why had the Force done this? It felt more unbalanced than ever, and what could she do about it? She couldn’t change it by herself. The delegations and negotiations would never change things for the regular people living in the galaxy. Children like she had been, left behind to scrape by.

Anger brought her to her feet again and she paced intensely, hands clenched. These well-to-do diplomats had never known deprivation or hunger – what incentive did they have to make a difference in how their people lived? None at all. Even most of the Resistance was in the same boat. She could count on Rose to support the idea slowly forming in her mind, and maybe Finn because he had been taken from his family. But the others were so concerned with governance that they ignored the people being governed.

A growl interrupted her and she whirled around to find Chewie standing in the doorway. Her dour expression broke into a grin and she ran over to embrace him.

“You’re back! I wasn’t sure you would be,” she admitted as she fought her tears. The Wookiee patted her head comfortingly but didn’t offer her any explanation of what he had been doing. He had left before she returned from Tatooine and no one had been really sure where he was going. Of course, not many of her friends could understand him, so had relied on Threepio to translate. That had to get lonely for him, she was sure.

“I am frustrated here,” she responded to his unasked question as she stepped back to look up at him. “I don’t know that I’m making any real difference for the people who grew up like I did. Who are still growing up like I did. I want to help them.”

He sat down so their eyes were level and waited expectantly, giving a soft hum to prod her on.

“I was thinking… Maybe I could take in children. I’d need to live somewhere bigger than my quarters here, obviously. I suppose it could be Force-sensitive children, but so many children are, I think. I could help them understand their powers at least, even if I don’t know what kind of teacher I would be.

“I’ve been helping Finn with the Force. He seems to be learning quite a lot. Surely teaching children would be easier? I want to help them,” she added, firmly. “So that they don’t have to struggle with parents who don’t understand and may fear them.”

Chewie made a sympathetic noise as he nodded, clearly aware of her motivation for that part.

Rey gave him a sad smile as she thought of how Ben’s life – and her own – might have been different with such a place to go to. “Yes, I know. I wouldn’t insist they leave their parents, either, so maybe I would have do some more traveling.” The idea, once it occurred to her, was much more tempting than she had anticipated and she grinned. To visit other planets AND help children like her? That felt like a dream.

Chewie expressed his support for her plan and she hugged him again impulsively, which he accepted with equanimity. In the last year, she had never really let herself think about what would happen when the war was over. Of what she was going to do. It felt like she was at an impasse with Ben and she wouldn’t dwell on how one of them would have to switch sides for her to get what she really wanted. But maybe… maybe this would be a good thing to want.

She sank down next to Chewie, considering. She would still be alone, though. The children might come to love her, but it wouldn’t be the same as knowing her. Understanding her flaws and accepting them. She would still have to be play-acting at being the hero, just in a way that was more comfortable for her.

“I wish Ben were here,” she finally admitted, not daring to look at Chewie.

The Wookiee was silent for a long moment before making a gently questioning noise.

She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. “He wasn’t killed by the Emperor. I was dead and he healed me, giving up his life-force. Then he disappeared. But he isn’t a ghost like Luke or Master Leia. He’s just gone, I think.” She paused, considering. “Though I had a vision of him, as a child, and he seemed to be able to see me. But I’ve looked through those Jedi texts and I can’t find anything about it!”

Her distress caused Chewie to pat her shoulder and get to his feet, telling her he would return shortly. She watched him go and sighed, not daring to think he might know more about this than she did and might be able to help – more than those dusty books anyway. Soon her friends would come back and she would have to explain what had really been happening for the last year. And then… then she would leave to start actually helping the galaxy.


	9. "Time heals wounds" is absurd as a theorem but I can see above the sky's getting clearer

“Rose said you wanted to tell us something?” Finn’s voice startled her and she turned around. He was looking at her almost nervously and she felt a twinge of relief. He would likely stick by her whatever she said. She glanced at Poe and the relief fluttered away at the sight of his grave expression. His parents had been part of the Rebellion and he had been part of this for his entire life. Still, he had immediately accepted Finn the moment he decided to defect, so perhaps it would work out.

“Why don’t we all sit down,” Rose suggested gently and she sank onto the seat next to Rey. It was probably meant to be a show of support but it made Rey feel trapped between her and the others as they settled on the other side of her.

“I haven’t… I haven’t been completely truthful with you. About quite a few things, actually.”

“I’m sure you’ve been doing your best,” Finn told her quickly.

Rose shot him a look. “Let her speak.”

Poe folded his arms over his chest and Finn looked hurt, which were not encouraging signs. Was it too late to flee?

“I didn’t kill Snoke,” she forced out, figuring it was the most innocuous way to start a conversation she was realizing she did not want to have.

“You didn’t?” Finn said incredulously.

“Is he still alive?” Poe wanted to know at the same time.

“No, he’s dead. I saw it happen but I didn’t do it. Kylo Ren killed him. To save me,” she added quickly to preempt more comments that would only make this harder. “To save me from Snoke, who meant to kill me,” she clarified.

“Why?” Finn asked, visibly upset at the idea. Poe seemed to take this information more in stride, to Rey’s surprise.

The bluntness of the question threw her off. She was prepared to discuss simple cause and effect and the facts of what happened. Explaining Ben’s actions, or her own, were going to be much more difficult. “I… I went there to bring him back. To the Light Side,” she began.

“Why would you try to save Kylo Ren?” Poe’s question was harshly rhetorical.

Rey glanced at Rose, who looked at her encouragingly. “Luke Skywalker did it with Darth Vader. I thought I could do the same, maybe.”

Finn leaned forward to catch her attention. “It was courageous of you to try, but Vader was Luke’s father. You can’t blame yourself for not being able to reach someone like Kylo Ren.”

The implication made her bristle. “I did reach him. He killed his master for me. I just… I just didn’t think through the consequences very well. He wasn’t ready to leave with me.”

“With you?” Poe echoed skeptically.

“Yes, I thought… Since Luke Skywalker refused to come out of his exile, getting Ben on our side would be what we needed to win.”

“Ben? Who’s Ben?”

The anger in Finn’s voice brought a swift return of her own. “Ben is Ben Solo, Han and Leia’s son, who turned to the Dark Side because of his family failed to protect him and Luke Skywalker tried to kill him!”

At least they were silent in the face of her rage, eyes wide and mouths agape.

“He didn’t want to be on the Dark Side, he only wanted to stay with the First Order because he wanted some control over his own life. And I… I was thinking of him as our tool instead of theirs. It was wrong of me not to let him make his own choice. Which he did, to save me from the Emperor! He gave his life to save me,” she added, aware of the tears coursing down her cheeks and wondering vaguely when those had started.

“How do you know so much about Kylo Ren?” Poe asked quietly after a pause.

“We…” her voice caught in her throat and she sniffled. “We are Dyad in the Force, we’re connected.” It came out as a whisper and fresh tears started at the realization that she should have used the past tense.

Poe leaned back and regarded her. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Finn but could feel disappointment and a sense of betrayal rolling off him in the Force. “You have been in contact with Kylo Ren for over a year?” was Poe’s strangely patient question.

“Yes,” she admitted.

“You have been privy to Resistance secrets, going on missions with us that were of utmost importance, and you were in contact with the Supreme Leader of the First Order the entire time? You didn’t think that, maybe, you should let us know you were compromised?” If she hadn’t been able to feel his anger, it would be plain enough even if his voice did not raise or waver.

“I wasn’t compromised!” she snapped defensively.

“You recklessly went to the Supremacy to save a man you barely knew. You failed to bring Luke Skywalker back – presumably because you blame him for Kylo Ren existing. You stayed on our secret base to train and the moment you stepped off of it on Pasana, the First Order found us. They were awfully quick to find us on Kijimi as well, now that I think of it. I suppose I should be grateful that he never found our base – or was that something you two worked out? You seem pretty compromised to me, anyway.”

Finn and Rose looked at her and it was clear they had not put those things together. Poe was right, of course. She was compromised. She’d done her best to keep Ben from finding them, but there was little she could really keep from him. Especially after he’d found new resolve with the idea of bringing her to his side in order to defeat the Emperor.

“You told me you had a vision of the Throne of the Sith,” Finn said slowly and her heart sank like a stone. “That you were on it. But so was Kylo Ren. What exactly did you mean by that, Rey?”

She cleared her throat, her anger fizzling at the betrayal and disappointment on their faces. “He offered me his hand when he killed Snoke. To join him and rule the First Order. I declined then, but…”

“But you’ve been contemplating joining him this whole time. What a great boon it’s been to have the last Jedi on our side – with her refusing to go on missions and leading the First Order right to us. Not to mention all that with Palpatine. You want to tell us more about that, Rey?” Poe demanded.

There was no reason to delay the inevitable – she could already see that fleeing back to the Outer Rim was in her future. She’d pick a green planet this time, though. “I’m his granddaughter.”

“Whose?” Rose wanted to know, looking confused.

“The Emperor’s. I’m a Palpatine,” she clarified.

“How is that even possible? He was dead a decade before you were born,” Rose muttered, more to herself than anything. Rey shrugged helplessly.

“Palpatine, of all people, had children?” Poe seemed visibly disgusted at the idea and Rey almost laughed at his revulsion.

Finn shook his head, ignoring logistics. “It doesn’t matter who your parents were, Rey. You can join the good side at any point. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell us about Kyl – about Ben. We could have helped. But being compassionate is important for our last Jedi. We can’t fault you for that. Right, Poe?”

Poe was clearly still caught on the idea of the Emperor procreating but he shook his head slightly to clear it before nodding. “We accept all kinds into the Resistance. It would have caused a stir, but we would have let Kylo Ren change sides, too. Hux did, apparently, so there’s hope for anyone.”

Rey looked at her friends’ faces and was shocked that her lineage meant so little to them. That her relationship with Ben was of a concern mainly because she had kept it to herself and hurt them tactically. Not because he was their enemy. She had expected derision or hatred, not disappointment and understanding. That her friends cared enough about her to look past her faults was a raw feeling and she swallowed heavily as tears continued tracing down her face.

“Well,” Rose said quietly. “Thank you for confiding in us, Rey. I’m sorry you’ve been bearing this on your own for so long.”

Poe and Finn nodded, all three of them looking at her with compassion. They weren’t happy about her revelations, clearly, but were accepting of them. She took a deep shuddering breath and forced a smile.

“It’s alright. I think I’m going to go lay down for a bit, if you don’t mind.” No one protested, so Rey returned to her quarters, to consider how her friends could fit into her dreams of the future.


	10. And though despair of things before will never leave, although our past mistakes can never be retrieved, way out in the distance is a vessel on the seas

**Part II: Bargaining and Anger**

Rey woke from a nap she hadn’t intended to take with a creeping feeling on the back of her neck. She sat up abruptly and looked around, trying to figure out why she felt like she was being watched when the room was far too small to be hiding anyone. There weren’t any surveillance devices either – she’d started checking for those and causing them to malfunction not long after she’d left the Supremacy a year ago. Whether or not the recording devices could pick up things through the Force was unclear, but she hadn’t needed any evidence of her connection to Ben while she was in the Resistance.

Still unsettled, she got up from her bed and put on her belt and boots. The conversation with her friends had been draining so she shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d fallen asleep, but she felt confused and disoriented. Her brow furrowed as she recalled their discussion about Ben. Instinctively, her hand went to the scar on her shoulder, and she jolted as she glanced down at it and found it gone. How could this have happened? She had been careful to hide it and keep it hidden – even, lately, from herself – but surely that wouldn’t cause it to disappear?

The confusion gave way to dismay as she realized that this last vestige of Ben was gone. The last indication of his effect on her life, gone as thoroughly as if it had never happened. The scar had resembled two hands reaching for each other, like she had reached for him on Ahch-To, and now it had disappeared. He had comforted her in her lowest moment, and the scar had always served as a token of that act of compassion. Its absence now was a stark reminder that he would never be able to comfort her again.

There were tears on her face and she was breathing hard when a knock at her door brought her back to the present. The scar on Ben’s face, the one she had given him, had disappeared after she had healed him of his mortal wound. Perhaps he had done the same when he brought her back from the dead. An innocuous change, really, but one that she found particularly devastating in the light of what she had already lost. A future she had only dared to dream about, late at night, when the loneliness on the Resistance base became too much to bear. A future where this war was over and where she and Ben could finally be together. Not that she had ever let herself consider specifics – that only made things worse.

She jumped when the knock came again, harder this time. “Sorry, coming,” she said and quickly opened it.

Chewie growled at her for leaving the Falcon and being difficult to find.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, stricken. “I was talking to Finn and Rose and Poe and I forgot you were coming back.”

He waved off her excuses and she couldn’t be sure if she had offended him or not. There were some cultural differences that, combined with the language barrier, made her uncertain of where she stood with him sometimes. He leaned down to look her in the eye and huffed before reaching into his bag and pulling out something blue – a round toy of some kind. Her brow furrowed in confusion, glancing back up at him. He grudgingly suggested that perhaps she could use the Force to bring back its owner somehow.

Touched by his suggestion, she reached out to take the toy. And was blindsided by a vision – not just one, but several, like the first time she had touched Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber. Images of Ben in his youth passed by, too quickly for her to really understand what was happening. Him with his mother, with his father, with Chewie – some were happy moments, a few angry, but there was a pervading sense of loneliness that she could not help but relate to.

“Rey?” the ten-year-old version of Ben asked, looking at her with eyes that were too familiar. His disappeared, only to be replaced by an even younger version, who stared at her in that same beseeching way Ben so often had. “Come back, Rey. Come find me,” he said, desperation evident on his face. She gasped and let go.

“I don’t how!” she cried, coming back to herself to find Chewie’s hand on her shoulder. He looked at her with concern. “I saw him again, Chewie!” Her fingers trembled as she clenched her fists at her sides to keep from reaching out for the toy again. Just to see what would happen.

Taking a few deep breaths, she managed to calm down as Chewie asked her gently what she thought the vision meant. “I can see Luke and Master Leia as ghosts, but not Ben. Though he disappeared, so maybe he is just stuck somewhere? He wants me to come find him!” she added, smiling through her tears. “Do you think I can?”

Chewie was supportive, as always, and Rey rushed back to her bed to grab the Jedi Texts from where she had hidden them. Handing a few to Chewie, she gathered all of them and led the way to the room where she and Finn studied. It was blessedly empty and she set about spreading the texts across the table. There were a lot of them and many, many pages to get through. Searching for something she didn’t even understand. Her shoulders sagged as she considered the daunting task.

Patting her head, Chewie offered to find someone to help. “Yes! Please ask Finn, if he’s not busy. I could use a hand with reading these,” she admitted, feeling relieved at the thought of not doing this completely alone. Chewie nodded and left, so Rey set to work.

Finn arrived sometime later, and Rose was with him. “What is it, Rey? Chewie seemed pretty worried about you,” Finn explained, clearly concerned.

She waved off his worry – and Chewie’s. “I saw Ben! In a vision. He told me to come find him. He isn’t a ghost like Jedi can become. He just disappeared, so I think he might be stuck somewhere.”

“Rey,” Rose said in her calming voice and Rey looked up at her. “I know you were… fond of him, but it’s been weeks,” she began.

Frowning, Rey looked back at the pages spread out before her. Maybe this was a foolish hope. Maybe she would regret the excitement she currently felt. But she had seen him – and it _was_ him, not just a memory. Not just her ability to read what had happened to objects. He had been able to contact her and he had asked her to find him. So that was what she was going to do!

“We were on a Sith world when he vanished. Places that are strong in the Force can be… unpredictable. I’m sure the Emperor chose it for a reason,” she said firmly.

“Or didn’t choose it, but it was the only place he could return,” Finn suggested and Rey beamed at him.

“Exactly! Let’s look for anything about that, anything that might explain how the Emperor was able to come back from the dead.” If he could do it, why not Ben? Rey kept that thought to herself – she did not expect her friends to be on board with any Dark Force rituals that might have been utilized to return the Emperor to some semblance of his former power.

She channeled the frantic energy she felt into meticulously searching through the text, just as she would carefully clean and repair a part no matter how hungry she was. Finn selected a different text to peruse, sitting beside her. After a moment, Rose picked a third and joined them, though clearly more skeptical. Rose, for all her talents, was not particularly adept at the Force so had more reason to doubt that Ben might come back. But he hadn’t been killed, he wasn’t wounded – he had disappeared. Surely he had to disappear _to_ somewhere, and perhaps it was somewhere she could bring him back from. Or at least speak to him again.

The desire kept her going for hours. Finn and Rose each took breaks, bringing back food or drink. Rey, for once, ate without thinking or appreciating what was brought, her focus on finding something worthwhile in the dusty tomes. The day turned to night, even on the brightly lit city planet, and the occasional shuffle of passerby faded to silence. Poe may have checked in on them once or twice, but Rey had not taken much notice of it.

“Come on, Rey, we need to go to bed,” Finn told her at length.

“Just a little longer,” she insisted. It was not the first time that evening she had made that plea but Finn shook his head.

“It’s been close to a month, Rey. Where ever he is, I’m sure he can wait one more day.”

“You need to rest or you won’t be able to help him, Rey,” Rose tried. “If we found out a way to bring him back right now, you would be too exhausted to do it. Well, to do it effectively,” she amended at Rey’s offended expression.

There was some logic to that. Rey had often spent long hours working on a particular piece only to make some irrevocable mistake because she was too tired to be careful. This was too important to make any mistakes, so she nodded grudgingly.

“Alright,” she acquiesced. Carefully packing up the texts so that she would recall her progress, she allowed herself to be led back to her room and soon drifted off to a dreamless sleep. Much as she would have preferred it to be otherwise.


	11. And I'm a set a heading toward the sun, cuz I believe that I can get it back

Rey was up before dawn, having only slept a few hours. On Jakku, she would have forced herself to conserve her strength and get more rest before she started her day. But after over a year of regular meals and none of the back-breaking labor of being a scavenger, this was no longer a pressing concern. If she grew hungry, she would be able to eat her fill and, if she grew tired, she could take a break in the afternoon to sleep.

As she dressed, she considered if she had grown softer now that her life had. Perhaps, but more likely she had grown more circumspect. The face of the Resistance couldn’t just throw down with people committing injustice – Poe had made that clear. Negotiations could be aggressive, but diplomatic means had to at least be attempted. She didn’t like that, but was pretty sure her combat skills had not diminished during this year of living in luxury. And her abilities in the Force had grown through her studies with Master Leia.

Her last words to Master Leia had been harsh, so perhaps her circumspection only went so far. They were not untrue, but clearly Leia was not ready to hear them. The thought made Rey angry – the woman had left the mortal realm permanently, there wasn’t any more time to get ready for hearing harsh truths. Rey did not regret what she had said on Ben’s behalf, even if it meant Master Leia would not appear to her again. The woman had been an excellent teacher but there had never been the warmth Rey truly desired from the relationship. Leia had been raised to sacrifice her own personhood in order to properly lead her people as Princess of Alderaan, and held the same expectation for everyone around her. Personal desires could not factor into decisions that were for the greater good.

Rey had accepted this worldview at the time, lacking any other options. Luke may have been a gentler master, but he had admitted to believing his own legend to the point of making a horrible mistake. So Rey suspected that patience had not been a part of his teaching style, either. Both had been more concerned with legacy and their role in the galaxy than with their pupils’ needs. If she was going to train children, she would have to try to avoid their mistakes. Jakku had taught her two lessons – how to fix broken things, and how to wait. Both had helped her in dealing with people and particularly with children. Perhaps focusing on these skills would help her succeed where her masters had failed.

No one was in the breakfast area, which was fine by her. She ate quickly, impatient to get started, and was finishing just as the first few early risers were arriving. With a quick nod, she greeted them before heading back to her room to grab the Jedi texts. The room where she had been studying late into the night was still empty – no surprise there – so she set up her books much the same as before. Taking a deep, calming breath, she got started. Today would be the day, the day she found some lead on where Ben was or how to get him back. She was determined and persistent, so it would come to pass.

At some point, Rose came in and asked her some questions. Rey must have given sufficient answers because then Rose left, though she couldn’t say what all that had been about. Sometime afterward, Rose returned with Finn and they started in on the books she directed them to. The day passed quickly, with the sun moving across the sky far faster than Rey was able to get through the texts. It was frustrating and she began to feel a sense of panic whenever she noticed the time. But she suppressed it, reminding herself as she always had on Jakku about being careful and precise in her work, no matter how long it took. The panic passed. Someone put food near her and she ate automatically whenever this happened.

“Rey!”

She jumped, realizing belatedly that Rose had been saying her name several times. “Yes?” It took an effort to tear her eyes away from the tome in front of her to look at her friend.

“I think I found something,” Rose explained, moving back to let Rey see the text.

Getting to her feet, she hurried over to inspect the find. A fringe sect of the Jedi spoke of the Netherworld of Unbeing as a place in the Force that was between life and afterlife. It was said to be of great interest to the Sith, so would not be further discussed in these texts. Rey grabbed the nearest object – a plate – and threw it viciously across the room in frustration. Her friends stared at her in surprise and distress.

“I’m fine. Thank you, Rose, I think that is exactly what we need to find out more about. I just hoped it would say more here,” she amended, going to pick up the plate and the leftover food that had been on it.

“We’ll keep looking, Rey. We’re only halfway through the books,” Finn reassured her.

She nodded and got back to work but struggled to concentrate on her chosen text. If the Sith were so interested in this netherwold, perhaps the Jedi texts were the wrong place to look for answers. But did the Sith have texts? It seemed more like a Jedi tradition, keeping careful record of everything. Even if the Sith kept any accounts that would be useful to her, how could she find them? Were there Sith temples like there were Jedi ones, hiding relics and antiquities?

She frowned, considering. There was the matter of the Sith Wayfinder that Ben had found somewhere. It seemed to lead only to Exegol and she didn’t know if there were other Sith worlds or where they might be. Still, it seemed like a good place to start her search if the Jedi texts proved unhelpful. Whether Ben would be in the Netherworld or not, she didn’t know, but it was the first lead she had found. And perhaps she could communicate with him through it even if he was elsewhere. If she found nothing today, she would go to Exegol and see what she could find there, she resolved, and reapplied herself to her search.

Nightfall came before they were finished, but Rey refused to go to bed again with the task undone. Finn and Rose were taking shifts to help, usually only one there at a time while the other went to presumably do some of their real work – Rey didn’t ask. But, as the darkness grew more complete, both were there to coax her to bed. 

“I need to finish this tonight!” she insisted.

“It can wait until morning,” Rose soothed her, patting her shoulder.

Shaking her head, Rey stepped back. “No, I need to know if there are any answers here. Because otherwise I will have to leave tomorrow to find them.”

Finn and Rose exchanged a glance. “Where will you go?” Finn asked.

“Exegol, to start. Then I’m not sure,” she admitted. “But this is something that perhaps only the Sith know about, so I will have to seek out what they studied.”

“That sounds dangerous,” Rose said quietly before Finn could protest. “We will come with you, of course.”

Rey gave them a tight smile. “I don’t know if that would be helpful.”

“Rey, we’re not going to let you run across the galaxy in search of evil texts all by yourself,” Finn told her firmly, exasperated. Rey frowned at him and he looked at Rose for support.

“It would be safer, and likely more productive, if we came with you,” Rose offered.

“I’ll think about it.” She paused, looking down at the books thoughtfully. “Ben was searching for a way to Exegol. Perhaps somewhere he traveled would have the information I need. Or something he found. Can I search through the archives on his ship?”

“I think Maz was in charge of cataloging that.”

Rey nodded, the panic she had been feeling diminishing. Maz had had the lightsaber in her castle – who knew what else she would have access to or knowledge about? She felt silly for not having asked the woman earlier. “Can you have Maz come see me first thing tomorrow? I can finish up here,” she added, aware of how exhausted her friends looked.

“Don’t stay up too late,” Rose told her.

Finn patted her shoulder. “We’ll find something,” he said reassuringly. “See you tomorrow.”

Rey continued on for a few more hours, though she felt her conversation with Maz and her potential trip to Exegol would be more helpful than these old texts. Still, she was thorough in her perusal of them before retiring to her bed, carefully packing them away. She felt some resentment that they were unable to help her get Ben back, but reminded herself of all the other information they contained. It wouldn’t do to treat them badly just because they were letting her down in this one situation.

Tomorrow, she would find something, she told herself as she wrapped her blanket around herself. Before she slept again, she would have something, she promised herself. Even if it meant flying across the galaxy right after her meeting with Maz. There was a way to get Ben back and she was going to do it.


	12. All that hope and that joy, that trust and that care, those dreams of a boy, I can get it back

An impatient rapping on her door woke Rey. She jumped up, squinting as she turned her light on. Only a sliver of the sun had cleared the horizon and she was surprised to be awoken so early.

“Yes, hello,” she said as she opened the door.

Maz glared up at her. “I didn’t wake you, did I?” she asked sardonically, obviously aware that she had. “Your friends insisted I come by as soon as I could, so here I am. What can I do for you, child?”

Rey gathered her scattered thoughts, pushing away whatever dream she had been having. “What do you know about the Netherworld of Unbeing?”

Glancing behind her, Maz closed the door so they were alone, though it was unlikely that anyone would be awake to eavesdrop on them. “I’ve heard of it. Something the Emperor wanted to find, for nefarious purposes. What do you want with it?”

Rey nervously picked at her clothes, not meeting Maz’s eye. It was one thing to explain everything to her friends after hiding it for over a year. It was quite another to tell a near stranger of her deepest wants. Especially when Maz had already shown herself able to read Rey uncomfortably well – it was daunting to consider what she might say. Still, she had a mission and wouldn’t be deterred by something as silly as embarrassment.

“I want to bring Ben Solo back,” she admitted.

Maz’s eyes widened and she regarded Rey. “And how do you know Ben Solo, Jedi?”

“We are a dyad in the Force.”

“Intriguing,” was all the tiny woman responded and Rey clenched her hands in frustration.

“Do you know anything about the Netherworld or not?”

Maz huffed at her. “The Vergence Scatter? The world between worlds? I know a few things about it. I knew of it from the days of the Empire, and your Dyad seems to have catalogued quite a bit about it in the last year. From the records I’ve been combing through.”

Rey felt a sense of relief surge through her. Of course he had. “Can I see them?”

Hesitating, Maz looked around before taking her hand. “There’s no evidence that someone can come back from there. Not easily. Palpatine was not successful in using it.”

“As far as you know,” Rey replied, unwavering. “But he came back from the dead somehow. And his death was far more permanent than Ben’s.”

“Oh?”

Rey nodded eagerly. “Ben gave his life Force to save me and then disappeared. Vanished! So I think he can return.”

“Vanished? Like he became one with the Force?” Rey shrugged, uncomfortable at the question. “So he might have decided to go and not wish to return, child,” Maz explained.

This brought a frown to Rey’s face. “I’ve had visions of him since then. He asked me to find him. So I’m going to,” she said firmly.

Maz squeezed her hand and nodded, then turned toward the door. “Alright, let’s go.”

They left the part of the building that had been converted to living quarters and went to a large room full of records. Maz led the way to where she had been working and Rey was greatly relieved to find that these files were far more organized than the Jedi Texts had been. It was much easier to search digital files than physical ones, after all. Maz brought up all that Ben had found on the Netherworld easily and stepped away to allow Rey to peruse them.

Unlike the sacred tomes penned by some unknown Jedi, these records were not written in academic prose. Rather, they were clearly written by Ben. Rey felt tears prick her eyes at the recognition of his voice, something she hadn’t realized was part of her thoughts for the last year until it was gone. Covering her mouth to bite back a sob, she forced herself to focus on what he had to say with the reminder that perhaps she would soon hear him again.

Despite this focus, she was a mess by the time Finn and Rose found her there. She was aware of them talking to Maz and tried to unsuccessfully to stop reading Ben’s words to pay attention to them. His absence had never felt so pronounced as it did while she read his log entries, so indicative of his character that even his role as Supreme Leader of the First Order had been unable to suppress.

“Rey?” Finn asked quietly, sitting down next to her.

She took a deep breath and smiled at her friend, wishing he could understand how much it meant to her to have even this little reminder of Ben. The desire to read all of his records was strong, but she would save that for if this plan didn’t work out. A poor consolation in the light of the loneliness she’d be facing, but better than nothing. “Hi, Finn.”

“Did you find something?”

“Yes, I think so.”

Rose sat down on her other side. “What did you find out?”

Fighting the urge to hug her friends and cry, Rey cleared her throat and got to business. “The Netherworld is difficult to access, and most people who seek it want to use its power. It draws back the curtain between life and death. The Sith who searched for it, including the Emperor, wanted a way to prolong their own lives to feed their power. It is not of the Dark Side or the Light, but the Jedi teachings encourage acceptance of death as part of life, so it isn’t something they studied. 

“Ben found Sith artifacts that spoke of it and sought what he could find out about it, though there isn’t much that is definite, I’m afraid. Few have ever crossed over into it and returned to talk about it. Ben also found out that some systems seem to be better conduits for the Force, and that these places were rumored to be where it was possible to travel through the Netherworld to reach other systems, or even other times!”

Rose looked a little skeptical but Finn nodded more enthusiastically. “So what are you thinking? That we can travel to these places so you can go in and bring him back?”

“Or maybe call him out without having to go in yourself,” Rose suggested.

Rey shrugged. “I don’t know that we’ll know how to it works until we get there. I do think that the Emperor must have made use of this and that is how he returned. I don’t know how else he did it,” she added thoughtfully.

“Does that matter for this?”

“I don’t know that, either. But I think he might have had to stay on Exegol for a reason. Ben’s records indicate that the Emperor needed him as a proxy to lead the galaxy, that he couldn’t go out and do anything himself. He may have been lying, of course, but it’s possible that he couldn’t leave the planet. So I think we should start there.”

“Alright, then we’d better go. How soon are we leaving?” Rose asked.

Rey had been expecting more resistance or at least an insistence that she rest first, so she grinned at her friend’s acceptance of the idea. “I can be ready in about ten minutes.”

Snorting, Finn got to his feet. “We might need a little longer. Are we taking the Falcon? You’d better check with Chewie. And Lando. I’m not sure who owns it now.”

“Why don’t you do that, Rey? Finn, you talk to Poe about our being gone for a while. I’ll go get us some supplies. Is Chewie coming? Because that will greatly affect how many rations we need,” Rose added with a grin.

Rey laughed. “Better plan for it, just in case!” Her friends nodded and headed off to get ready. She hurried to her quarters and hastily packed her meager belongings, opting to bring the texts with her – they might come in handy, who knew? Then she headed in search of Lando Calrissian. There had been few previous occasions for her to talk to him and the nervousness she was already feeling only intensified at the thought of addressing a Rebellion general.

He was in a conference room, clearly getting ready for a meeting as he and Kaydel were discussing their strategy when Rey got within earshot. “Ah, to what do I owe the pleasure of being graced with your presence, beautiful Jedi?” Lando asked, sweeping a bow.

Exchanging a glance with Kaydel, Rey felt her cheeks grow warm. “I was wondering if I might take the Falcon. On a mission,” she added awkwardly.

The man considered her for a moment and Rey shifted her weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably. “How long will you be away?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hmm. Is she likely to come to harm?”

Rey cleared her throat. “I don’t think so. I’ll be careful with her.”

His laugh was quite pleasant and Kaydel smiled. “I’m sure you will, quite a bit more than her previous owner. Can you believe he lost her for nearly a decade? Not to mention the state she was in after he took over. It’s a lucky thing Chewie was there to keep him in check some of the time.” Lando’s expression was wistful as he remembered the past, then he shook his head slightly. “I would be honored to have my beloved ship serve such a beautiful creature as yourself, but I have one condition.”

“Yes?” she asked with some trepidation.

“Tell me all about your adventure when you return with her in one piece. I suppose that sounds more like two conditions,” he added with another gentle laugh.

Smiling with relief, Rey nodded. “Yes, I think I can oblige you on both fronts.”

“Excellent. I knew you’d never let us down,” he added. “May the Force be with you, Master Jedi.”

Her cheeks heated again as he took her hand and kissed it.

“Make sure Poe knows you’re leaving,” Kaydel said, breaking through Rey’s flustered reaction to the general.

“I think Finn is taking care of that,” she offered, fighting the urge to rub her hand after he’d relinquished it.

“Good. May the Force be with you, Rey.”

“Thank you,” she replied and hastily took her leave of them. Kaydel was her friend but she wasn’t sure about Lando Calrissian – he didn’t act like anyone else she’d ever known. Though not in an unpleasant way, she had to admit. She pushed the encounter to the back of her mind and focused instead on her new goal, pleased to have finally made some progress.

Chewie was in the hangar bay where the Falcon resided when she got there, and she quickly told him the plan. To her surprise, he was insistent on joining them. They helped Rose pack until Finn arrived and then they were ready to go. No one was there to see them off, which was just as well as far as Rey was concerned. She was impatient to get underway, feeling immensely relieved to be in the cockpit with Chewie as her copilot. Well, here we go, she thought as they took off. Time to find Ben Solo.


	13. All that love and that worth, that touch of a flare, that feel of the earth, I can get it back

Without the Wayfinder, getting to Exegol could have been a challenge. However, the Falcon had followed Rey when she had been in Luke’s X-wing and Rose was able to resurrect the coordinates from the computer’s memory. The trip was long enough for Rey to be feeling impatient and frustrated for most of it. Her friends attempted to engage her in conversation, but she was short-tempered and terse, so they gave up. She felt guilty about that.

Finally, they reached their destination and Rey took a deep breath as she looked down at the planet, its surface black and the lone structure that covered Palpatine’s lair a blight on the landscape. At least the lightning that had been a constant last time was no longer evident and the sky was clear. “You don’t have to come with me,” she said as she set in a course to land by the ship next to a TIE fighter. The sight of it made her throat feel tight and she swallowed.

“Of course we’re coming with you,” Finn insisted, glancing at Rose for confirmation. She nodded firmly.

Chewie suggested that someone should stay to watch the ship and Rey smiled at him. “I’m sure you’ll be the best guard we have. We won’t be long,” she promised as they set down on the planet’s surface.

She wouldn’t embrace Chewie like she wasn’t sure she was ever coming back. She wouldn’t cry in front of her friends, thinking of how Ben had sprinted in to save her. She would be strong and lead them into the underground chambers without flinching at their contents, at what she had done here. At what she had lost. Her blaster was in her belt with her lightsaber. Her friends both had their blasters. Whatever might have been left on this dead planet should pose no danger to them.

“It’s spooky in here,” Finn muttered as they walked quietly into the strange structure that seemed to float above the ground, heading for the chasm that would lead down to where she had faced off with the Emperor. Their lights did little to penetrate the gloom.

“Very spooky,” Rose responded.

“It’s the Force. It’s very strong here.” Rey’s response was distracted as she felt a little overwhelmed by the oppressive feeling of it surrounding her. It would be easy to harness, to do all kinds of feats that would normally take all of her strength to do. The power here was likely the only reason she and Ben had survived the Emperor’s initial attack to drain their energy. But it wasn’t enough to save both of them, she thought bitterly.

She flinched when Rose touched her arm. “You okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” she answered shortly. She was aware that her friends exchanged a glance but she ignored it. She _was_ fine – fine enough. Fine enough to be here, fine enough to investigate what happened to Ben. Fine enough to confront whatever horrors the Emperor may have left behind.

They reached a crevasse with a gigantic chain going down it and she took a deep breath. “How good are you at climbing?”

“Not that good,” Rose said frankly when Finn hesitated.

“I have some rope, I think.” She opened her bag and pulled it out – helpful, but not nearly long enough to get them all the way to the bottom.

Finn peered below them, holding up his light. “I think there are a few flat places. We will have to take turns going down.”

“I can climb it without the rope.” She fastened the rope onto the nearest link of the chain. “You go down and I’ll untie it before joining you.” Her friends wanted to protest, that was clear, but there weren’t many other options. So they slowly made their way down, taking their time to do it safely. Rey had climbed back out on her own, but she supposed they would have to use a similar method to leave. The thought was not a pleasant one as she considered they might need to leave more quickly than they had arrived.

Eventually, they reached the bottom and Rey led the way through the stone passageways until they came upon the laboratory the Emperor had kept. Rose visibly startled at the sight of it and Rey wished she could pass by it without noticing what it contained as she had before. That would negate the purpose of coming here, though, so she continued forward resolutely.

“What is all this?” Finn asked, disgust evident from his tone.

“I don’t know. Dark experiments, I suppose,” Rey replied.

“What are you going to do?” 

Rose’s question had an edge of worry in it and Rey offered her a reassuring smile. “I’m not going to take part in any of it. But I am going to have to touch them.”

“Touch them?” Finn was even more disgusted now.

“Yes. I can read memories in things when I touch them sometimes. I might be able to find a clue.”

Her friends looked at her with a mixture of dubiousness and horror. She felt the latter acutely. She very much did not want to know further details about what the Emperor had been getting up to for the last few decades. About what he considered relevant research to be doing while stuck in this horrible place. But Ben could very well be stuck somewhere worse, so that strengthened her resolve.

There were all kinds of strange apparatuses around the place, odd lights blinking and tanks of liquid that glowed a sickly green or yellow. It was a place of nightmares and Rey swallowed. Before her, there was a table strewn with forgotten tools. It seemed a good place to start – or at least better than touching anything in the vats. Her hand trembled as she reached out to grasp the nearest implement. It took a bit of focus to see any visions of its past, which was a relief. It was just a mechanical tool, only used for mundane things and she let out the breath she had been holding.

The next object was nasty-looking, with sharp edges. She snatched her hand back after making barely any contact and seeing what cruel things it had been used for. Perhaps she should have touched it again, to be thorough, but she continued down the table instead. Each thing gave her a glimpse into its uses, some innocuous, some horrific. How the Emperor had gotten prisoners to be brought to this place, how he had influenced servants to live here, was a mystery to Rey. She felt sick before she had even finished with the table, let alone the rest of the room.

The people who were helping to build the Republic were frustrating in their myopic view of the world, but she could understand their priorities. Taking care of herself had always been her most important goal – survival – and other people having the same focus were understandable. But people who would do these things to other living creatures… Who would bring them here to be tortured, to do unholy things to them in service of a craving for power… That was a kind of evil she could not understand. What good was power, really? Except as a way to ensure you and yours were safe. To control your own future, to protect yourself – those were understandable motivations. But to court such evil for the sake of abstract power made no sense to her.

She finished with the table and, making a face, stuck her hand into a vat of something she was too disgusted to inspect. Fortunately the memories here were few, and she could move on. Her progress was methodical, which helped lessen some of the horror, as she made her way around the room. Her friends stood to the side, watching her, and she tried to look at them reassuringly when she could. Though she was gaining quite a bit of knowledge about the Sith and their ways, nothing seemed like it would be helpful for bringing Ben back, and her throat constricted in distress.

There was only one place left – a huge tank that stood taller than she and wider than her arm span. She had been avoiding it because of the darkness emanating from it, but she had no choice but to inspect it. There were things in it – she recoiled as she recognized Snoke. But… too many pieces. More than one Snoke? It wasn’t just his corpse from when Ben had killed him. What did this mean?

She reached in and was immediately transported into a vision. Snoke, in a forest, talking to Ben after he’d fled the temple. Then he was in his throne room, berating Ben and that redhaired general. Telling Ben about how he had been disfigured, telling Ben that his cruel family had done this to him. Ben wore his mask but she could feel his pain at the revelation. Then Snoke was on Exegol, engaging in a Dark ritual to bring the Emperor back. He brought forth clones of himself, to feed the Emperor using their life Force, finally resulting in the mangled corpse Rey had seen. Then she saw herself in the throne room, hearing him gloat as he found out about where Luke was. He planned to go find Luke on Ahch-To and use the Dark part of the island to bring him before the Emperor, using him to restore Palpatine to life.

“Rey!” Rose’s voice pulled her from the vision and she dropped to her knees, fighting back a wave of nausea. What a fool Snoke was, to think bringing Palpatine back would help him rule the galaxy. The Emperor had not cared when Ben had killed Snoke, making no effort to use the clones for anything other than a way to increase his own power.

“Rey, are you okay? Should we leave?” Finn asked anxiously.

Shaking her head, Rey got to her feet. “Snoke is gone, past his usefulness to the Emperor. I saw… I saw what he did to bring Palpatine back but it’s not something we can do to bring Ben back,” she added softly, fighting tears.

Rose took her hand and Finn put his arm around her. “We tried our best, Rey. Should we go?” Rose suggested.

“No, I… I need to go in the throne room. You can stay here if you wish.”

Finn snorted. “I’d love to go literally anywhere else, Rey. Lead on, we’re with you.”

With some relief, Rey nodded and tried to shake off the visions as she made her way into the place where she had faced the Emperor – and where Ben had died.


	14. That drive to extreme, that confidence to lead, that willingness to bleed, I will get it back

The massive crowd of Sith that had been against the walls of the chamber was gone. Rey hesitated to look too closely in that direction, afraid of what might have been left behind after the Emperor was defeated. Hopefully nothing, but this place was permeated with the Dark Side and there was no way of knowing what might manifest from it. A shudder ran down her spine as she looked instead at the Throne of the Sith.

“That looks very uncomfortable,” Finn said, an attempt to break the tension. Both women laughed, but the response was strained.

“I’m not sure personal comfort was the goal in mind,” Rey replied, wondering if she should send her friends away. She glanced at them and was comforted by their reassuring expressions.

“What can we do to help?” Rose asked.

Rey shrugged. Though his sensitivity was improving, Finn had shown no aptitude for psychometry, which was normal – the Jedi Texts indicated it was a rare skill to have. She glanced at the Throne again, wondering if her ability was a result of her lineage. She hoped not.

Finn touched her shoulder, startling her. “What are you going to do?”

“Touch the Throne. Perhaps it will reveal something useful.”

He nodded. “And if it doesn’t?”

That wasn’t something Rey wanted to hear, and she curled her fists in the fabric of her clothes. “Then we look around for anything that could be a portal for me to go through, or for Ben to return.” She glanced at the Throne again and took a deep breath. It had been on this planet for a long, long time. Before even the Emperor was born. There would be much to sift through. “This might take a while. If it works. Could you look around while I do this?”

Finn seemed ready to protest, but Rose agreed. “We can do that. We won’t go far,” she promised.

The words weren’t necessary, but they were a relief. Rey walked resolutely up to the hideous, spiky seat and reached out to place a hand on its arm. Usually her ability took some concentration but not this time – she was instantly transported into a vision of the past.

The arena surrounding the throne was full of people – not the dark shapes Rey had seen but living people – and a robed creature was sitting in the seat of power. The people were cheering and the figure gave a deep nod.

Later, the same creature was there again, speaking to a child. The room was empty and the creature had an unpleasant smile as it peered at the little one. Rey stiffened and felt a surge of protectiveness, though there was nothing she could do anymore.

More scenes flashed by of the creature teaching the child. The child became a youth who grew into a man all while under the creature’s tutelage. As he grew older still, Rey was shocked the recognize him – the Emperor as a young man.

It took considerable effort not to recoil when the Emperor-to-be killed his master, though Rey had been expecting it. He kicked the creature out of the throne and took it himself. The stands around the throne room held only shadows again, but they cheered somehow, a sound like wind whistling through the cracks in a metal shelter. The soon-to-be Emperor smiled and bowed his head to them.

Rey wondered what had become of the real people before they had become shadows. There was no answer as what she saw continued forward in time. The visions revealed a throne room more often empty than not. The Emperor returned, setting up the laboratory. He spoke only to shadows, seeming to be the only one here who was alive. It was grating to watch him gloat about his plans and she began to despair of seeing anything useful. Then she heard something that made her concentrate on seeing the vision play out.

An old man, the Emperor sank into the throne heavily. “The Vergence Scatter didn’t work,” he snarled at the dark shapes around the room. They were silent. “I should have been able to enter the Netherworld and return with all the power in the galaxy, but it failed! What use are you to me?”

A shudder went through the crowd and the Emperor, as he clearly was now, pointed his cane at them. “This body is failing me and you offer me nothing!” Instead of its previous cheers, the crowd screeched at him and Rey winced at the cacophony, hardly able to keep from covering her ears.

The Emperor was silent. “The Jedi are destroyed – the Force belongs to me now! As do all of you. Tell me how to overcome death,” he ordered. 

To Rey’s dismay, he appeared to be able to understand the sounds the crowd made but she had no idea what they were saying – or even that they were speaking.

Sitting back in his throne, the Emperor looked thoughtful. “This place is a conduit to the Vergence Scatter – it will be easy to be brought back from death here. But what if I am not killed here?”

The response was again indecipherable to Rey and she was grimly amused that correctly he anticipated being killed instead of dying naturally. The vision wavered and she tried to focus on it, desperate to know what the shadows had told him, but it faded nonetheless. A frustrated hiss escaped her and her free hand clenched tightly. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she kept her hand on the Throne and her mind focused on its memories, determined to glean all that she could from it.

A First Order general – no, actually, he was one from the Empire – marched into the room and turned to face the assembled shadows. His revulsion showed on his face, his crisp military manner was a poor fit for a place this mystical and otherworldly. “The Emperor is dead,” he said flatly. “I have orders to come here and bring him back.”

The shades shrieked and he glared, waiting for them to settle down. They did not. “Enough,” he snapped. “His orders were specific. Show me to the portal and I will summon him.”

It took a monumental effort for Rey to follow the vision as the man left the room, but she was able to maintain a tenuous connection with him as he was led by the mass of darkness into a chamber containing a pool. She could no longer hear every word that was said but could watch as he approached the pool and spoke. He put his hand over the water and was suddenly dragged down into it, disappearing despite how shallow it appeared. A moment later, he returned, but his eyes were different – all of him was different, wrong somehow. He laughed triumphantly and Rey understood. The Emperor had possessed him.

Though she would like to know more, or what happened next, the effort of maintaining the vision was too strong and it disappeared. She pulled her hand back, wiping it off reflexively on her trousers, breathing hard. Looking around, she found herself alone and fought the fear that realization engendered.

“Finn? Rose?” Her voice echoed unsettlingly.

“Over here!” Rose called and Rey immediately felt like she could breathe again. She hurried in the direction of her friends, finding them in the corridor that officer from the vision had followed. They were standing together, talking, and she wanted to run past them to look inside the chamber ahead, to see if the pool were still there, but forced herself to wait.

“What did you find out?” Finn asked, taking in her expression.

“I think I found a way to bring him back! I saw how the Emperor returned,” she added by way of explanation.

Rose and Finn exchanged a glance. “And you think bringing Ben back the same way will be the best option?”

Her tone gave Rey pause. “I don’t know. I hope so. Why? What did you find?”

Raising an eyebrow, Rose looked questioningly at Finn. He shrugged and led the way inside, Rey following with some trepidation. The pool looked much as it had in the vision, but the rest of the room showed clear signs of the intervening years. Not least of which was a handful of bodies that Rey did not want to inspect further. She shuddered and picked her way forward, careful not to disturb anything, and touched the edge of the pool.

The vision returned of the man who had come here to be possessed. But it was not a lasting solution, evidently. The Emperor had used up his life Force quickly and came back here to die, awaiting the next loyal servant. She watched them with a growing sense of horror: one at a time, come in and speak over the pool, only to be taken and used by the Emperor, returning to die so that the Emperor could use this portal easily. She supposed that was the reason, anyway – it was clear that the men and women did not expect this end.

“That one barely lasted a standard week,” the Emperor in a new body grumbled as he came out of the pool, speaking to one of the shades that always seemed to be in the room when he did this ritual. “How long will it take to reassemble my body?” He nodded at the hissing response the shade gave him. “Fine, fine. It was closer to death than these bodies are. We need a better solution.” The shades shrieked and his expression darkened. “There is only one Jedi left, as you well know. How do you expect me to bring him here? Besides, he is too well-trained. I need someone with raw power to harness if I want to avoid this procedure. Find someone,” he snapped.

The vision faded and she felt nothing further, so perhaps that host lasted long enough for him to return to his own body. She shuddered and looked up at her friends. He had been speaking of her, she was sure of it. Of her being an ideal candidate for a lasting host. The idea made her sick, though he had said as much to her before. But she was perplexed that he hadn’t sent his shades after his son, in search of his own granddaughter. Surely that was a better option than seeking some unknown fledgling Force-user?

“What is it?” Finn wanted to know.

She shook her head to clear the visions from it. Whatever the Emperor’s plots, resurrecting Ben was clearly an option here. But how? He would hate to inhabit someone else’s body, and it wouldn’t be permanent anyway. So speaking the words over the pool would hardly help her – she wanted him back entirely, not as part of someone else. Even herself. So there was really only one option.

“I’m going in the pool,” she said resolutely. “I don’t know what will happen. But I have to try.”

“Rey,” Rose began and Rey cut her off by dragging both of her friends into an embrace.

“If I don’t return… Thank you for everything you have done for me. For going on this adventure with me.” 

Rose was crying and Finn looked dour when she released them. “Wait,” he said. 

She didn’t want to – she was desperate to start, to jump in before she lost her nerve, but she could grant him one final request. 

He pulled out the rope they had used to get down here and tied it off to one of the pillars in the chamber, then handed her the other end. “In case it’s difficult to get back. We can pull you up.”

It was a practical solution to a mystical problem, so she had no idea if it would work. But she greatly appreciated the gesture and felt tears prick her eyes. Swallowing, she nodded and tied it around her waist. Giving each of her friends one last smile, Rey climbed onto the edge of the pool. Then she stepped off.


	15. Reassembled when I'm done, depression on the run as I come beating on these drums

Unlike on Ahch-To, Rey did not find herself in water after she dove into the pool – or through it, really. That was the good news. The bad news was that she stood in utter darkness, aware that there was stone beneath her feet, but she could perceive nothing of her surroundings. As a child, she had once gotten stuck in a compartment of the ship she was scavenging, sliding down a wall after she lost her footing. It had taken a few hours for Unkar Plutt to realize her absence and send one of the other children to find her. Since then, getting trapped somewhere small had been a great fear of hers.

Her breathing was harsh and labored, so she focused on relaxing that impulse and pulled out her lightsaber. Igniting it would at least help her see where she was, she thought. But she was wrong. It illuminated the area immediately around her but could not penetrate beyond that. That dampened her spirits but she rallied. Obviously Ben was not in her immediate vicinity so the only thing to do was to start walking. She tested the rope on her waist, glancing at where it disappeared into the darkness, and hoped it would stretch as long as she needed it to.

She had only gone a few steps when a vision came to her, more immersive than the ones her gift for psychometry had caused. She was a child again, on Jakku, watching her parents leave, horror and anguish rising like bile in her throat. Her hand stretched out toward them and, in her desperation, lightning shot out of her fingers, destroying the ship. Unkar Plutt recoiled, dropping her arm, and she stared at her hand in horror. He growled about her being more trouble than she was worth.

The vision faded and she stared into the darkness, confused. That wasn’t a memory – was it? – because she had seen how her parents died. That bounty hunter had killed them. And the lightning had happened on Pasana, when she and Ben had fought over the shuttle Chewie had supposedly been in. But this vision had felt very real.

Unkar Plutt had owned many children, probably still did. They lived in a shelter near his home. But Rey couldn’t remember ever living there. She had always been on her own, as far back as she could recall. It had never occurred to her why he had treated her differently, but her latent Force abilities would make for a good reason. In the stories she told herself, it was because her parents were returning, making her different from the others. Because she had been left for her protection not merely sold.

She scoffed at the memory. Were her childish fantasies true, then? Had she been left to be kept safe until her parents could return for her? Logic had threatened that fantasy as she had grown up – why couldn’t at least one parent stay with her? Why couldn’t they have left her someplace less horrible? – and she had learned to avoid thinking about it. But if it was the truth, if that’s what her parents had really done… Her teeth clenched in anger. Was there really nowhere else in the galaxy to leave her to keep her safe? The last battle of the empire had been fought above Jakku – it was hardly a place the Emperor would avoid if he was seeking his granddaughter.

Her childhood had been spent crawling through the broken-down ships of the empire and of the rebels. They were the same – just wreckage – both sides needed considerable work to be of any use to her. Why had her parents not brought her to the Resistance? Or, since that movement had likely not been formed yet, to the Skywalkers? Luke had yet to disappear, Ben had yet to turn, and they were at Luke’s Jedi school. Surely that was a better option for her than years of isolation and desperation on a dead planet?

Her hand tightened on her lightsaber and she stopped walking to catch her breath, having been nearly jogging in her anger. Perhaps they reasoned that Luke Skywalker would be a target of the Emperor’s already and would only increase the likelihood of her being found. But she thought it would have significantly increased the chances of her being protected – it wasn’t as though Plutt would have lifted a finger to protect her. He may have driven a harder bargain for her, but otherwise would offer no resistance to her being taken away by her grandfather’s agents.

Perhaps they had not intended to leave her on Jakku, then. Perhaps they meant to leave her only briefly while they did something else. A shiver ran down her spine as she considered one thing she could not deny – they had sold her. Whatever their intentions, money had changed hands. She knew that for certain – Plutt had often referred to what he’d paid for her when she was not meeting his expectations for turning him a profit. And she didn’t think she’d ever understand how they could have done that: actually sold their child into slavery. Was it a way to cover up her own importance?

She looked around as though this place could give her any answers. The pool on Ahch-To hadn’t – well, none that she wanted to hear. But it was worth a try. Closing her eyes, she focused on her memory of them leaving, of their ship disappearing, and tried to recall what had happened before. Opening her eyes, she was pleased to see the darkness solidifying, hazy at first, but then forming the recognizable shapes of Niima Outpost. Her hand was held by her mother and they walked through the market with her father until they reached Plutt. She was pushed in the direction of some kids playing nearby, and she asked to join their game. It was a complicated one – to her child self, anyway – and she was engrossed in learning it for several minutes.

Then she won! She was excited to tell her mother and turned to look for her. But she was leaving, disappearing into the crowd with her father. Rey ran after her, desperate then to catch up and desperate now to see her parents’ faces again. They boarded a ship from the yard behind Plutt’s home and Plutt was suddenly behind her, grabbing her arm. She may not have understood being sold, but she understood how dire the situation was for her. Screaming, she reached for the ship and it shuddered but took off anyway. Her attempts to drag it back were unsuccessful, though she was able to halt its progress. Then the lightning came, and Plutt dropped her arm. The other children looked at her with fear and revulsion, so she was denied friends as well as family.

Trembling, Rey dropped to her knees and was relieved when the vision faded. That was real – her previous vision of her parents notwithstanding – there was no doubt in her mind of what had really happened the day her parents left on her Jakku. It was why she had never used her Force powers again, not intentionally. And why she had been unwilling to tell Finn about them on Starkiller Base. She had been hesitant to even tell Leia after the battle. Ben sensing her potential had been so strange, how he had been impressed instead of afraid of what she could do. Everyone else was always afraid of her.

Even during training, Rey could sense that Leia was wary if not fearful of her abilities. And, upon meeting Luke, he had been afraid of her raw power, so like Ben’s. She had friends at the Resistance – Finn, Rose, Chewie, Poe – but there was always a gulf between her and anyone else because of her powers. Even with her close friends, there was a distance – though perhaps lessening now because she was working with Finn. Still, the old self-preservation instinct to hide her abilities had never really gone away and she was always waiting, deep down, for the fear she knew was coming.

But Ben was never afraid of her. He had never seen her as only a figurehead for the Resistance, or as a powerful ally to win to his side. He had seen her fears and loneliness the first time they met and understood her in a way no one else had. Or could, given their connection. His loss was like a hole in herself, an emptiness that she had tried to ignore but it was like half of herself was gone.

Standing back up, Rey held out one hand. If she could control these visions, she knew what she wanted to see. And the truth of her past didn’t matter if she could get the future she truly wanted.

“Be with me,” she whispered. Then repeated it, louder, until the darkness turned hazy again. But her fresh wounds regarding her past must have influenced it somehow, because she wasn’t shown Ben. Not exactly. Instead, she was back in front of the Throne of the Sith, with the Emperor attached to that apparatus before it, and Ben pointing his saber at him. Not Ben – Kylo Ren.

“She’s not who you think she is,” the Emperor told him.

“Who is she?” Ben asked warily. 

The Emperor waved his hand and Rey could feel what he was doing. Ben had a memory of his vision where he saw her parents, where they sold her. The Emperor somehow altered it, only very slightly, to change their expressions. Now they were scared and desperate, trying to hide their child from him. But Rey felt despair at what she saw, at what Ben saw before the Emperor changed it. They weren’t afraid – well not of the Emperor. Rey reached out and focused on the memory before it could change further.

“And why would I take her? She’s too young to be of use to me,” Plutt told her parents.

They looked each other in distress. “She’s been doing things, unnatural things. Could be she can help you more than the others. Could be worth more money to you down the line,” her father said.

Plutt glanced over at her playing nearby and nodded. “Fine.” He handed them compensation and they were relieved to be rid of her.

Drawing away before she had to relive that terrible moment again, Rey felt tears streaming down her face and looked at Ben, at Kylo Ren, understanding his certainty in Snoke’s Throne room. His certainty that she would join him. 

He turned away from the Emperor to look at her, his cold expression fading and eyes widening. “Rey?”

A sob of relief tore through her and she moved toward him. But then laughter from behind her gave her pause. Turning, she found not the Emperor on the Throne of the Sith, but herself. The Dark Side version of her smiled, revealing sharp teeth.


	16. Battles with the mind and the timid stand off, slightest bit of pain and those tender folk scoff

Rey brandished her lightsaber and stepped between the throne and Ben. “What do you want?” she snarled.

Her dark reflection only smiled more broadly. “Come here, Kylo,” she crooned.

To Rey’s shock, Ben – or perhaps really Kylo – walked around her and knelt before the throne, holding out his lightsaber hilt. “Ben?” she whispered, confused and uncertain how much of this was real. If any of it was.

“Is this not what you wanted, Rey? Him to serve you?”

“No!” The word was both an answer and a reaction to Kylo Ren fading, as did the throne, as the Dark one approached her. “Ben!” she called, hurrying forward with no clear goal in mind.

She was halted when her shadow ignited her saber and blocked her path. Recoiling, Rey lifted her own weapon and swung, furious at having been stopped when she was so close.

“Are you sure you didn’t want him as your own slave? You could have made him leave the Supremacy with you, become the Resistance’s real hero, like you wanted,” the other version of herself suggested with a cold smile as she easily parried Rey’s attack.

That made her hesitate in spite of herself and her shadow laughed.

“You were their hero for hardly a day, and already looking for a way out. You just wanted to be a footnote in the story, the one who brought Luke Skywalker back to save the galaxy. And when that wasn’t working out, you thought you’d bring back Leia Organa’s lost son. Anything to keep from having to shoulder the burden yourself.”

“That’s not true,” she whispered. But her chest constricted with the knowledge that, on some level, it was. She was no hero – she had loved the stories and had always imagined herself in one, but the responsibility of saving the galaxy on her own was too daunting to accept. Too much pressure when all she knew was how to survive. Besides, who was she to take up such a mantle? She was just a scavenger. She was nobody.

“Nothing?” her shadow suggested, almost gently.

She drew back again, watching the double-bladed lightsaber the Dark one had. Other than keeping her from rushing after Ben, her shadow hadn’t moved it to attack. Obviously she didn’t need to, Rey thought grimly, when her words were effective enough.

“I’m not nothing,” she answered through clenched teeth.

“No? Then why did you spend the last year hiding on the Resistance base?”

“I was training!” she snapped.

The woman’s laugh was sharp, like the sound of a bone snapping. “Training? Whatever for?”

That threw her. Why had she insisted on training? Her friends had never questioned it, just thought obviously she would want to hone her skills. But Ben had still easily outmatched her on the Death Star wreckage. She had learned to heal with the Force, which was a rare power, but Ben had brought her back from the dead. No one else in the galaxy was a match for her in the Force except for him. And her training had been of no use against the Emperor. So why had she isolated herself and relied on that excuse to keep from leaving the base?

“You were afraid you might see him. And that you wouldn’t be able to leave him a second time,” her shadow said, cutting to the truth with ease.

“I…” She faltered, her lightsaber wavering in her hand as she was forced to admit it, at least to herself. Her friends trusted her and she had been desperately afraid of them finding out about Ben, just as she had always been afraid of anyone finding out about her abilities when she was younger. Both were gut reactions to save her own hide, but what was the point when they made her miserable? When she had to pretend to be someone else, while cutting off the one person who understood her?

“Is that why you killed him? So you wouldn’t have to resist anymore?”

“I didn’t!” Rage and hurt coursed through her and she swung her weapon at her shadow, who parried easily. Rey advanced anyway, driving the woman back as she continued to respond with only defensive maneuvers. It felt familiar, like she was training alone. She stopped abruptly and the Dark one did not attack, stopping as well. Her eyes narrowed as she considered how to deal with her.

The shadow relaxed, watching her. “You did kill him,” she reminded her gently.

“No! He chose to give his life –”

“Not then, dear. He got distracted and you stabbed him through the chest.”

Blinking back tears, Rey looked away as the wave of emotions she’d been repressing rolled over her. Why had she done that? She had asked herself that question every night for weeks, aching for sleep to release her from it. He hadn’t intended to hurt her, that was clear – he had paused to let her catch her breath several times. He made it clear he could win if killing or even incapacitating her was what he wanted. But it wasn’t. He wanted her to go with him, to give up the fight and join him.

She had pushed Finn away – thrown him, really. She hadn’t wanted him to overhear whatever Ben might say to her. Because it would be something true and she didn’t know how long she could keep up the fight, how long she could keep resisting his offer. Then he had gotten distracted as he stood over her and she was just so frustrated with him, with what he meant, wishing she could just be a normal hero who was happy with her Resistance friends and who would never consider joining someone who was supposed to be her enemy.

So she had reacted, like she always did. Self-preservation was fully ingrained into her instincts – shoot first, ask questions later. She had done it upon their first meeting, and at the first sign of their bond’s capabilities. She had fought Finn at their meeting as well, she reflected miserably.

“Maybe you should stop assuming the worst intentions in everyone you meet,” her shadow suggested.

“Even you?” Rey shot back, taking another swing at her.

The other woman easily moved out of the way, not even bothering to parry. “I’m only here to help.”

“Help me with what? To remind me of my worst doubts and biggest mistakes?”

“Yes.”

Shocked at the honesty of the answer, Rey stared at her. “Why?”

“Why did you come here, Rey?”

“To rescue Ben,” she answered immediately.

Her shadow nodded. “Rescue him from what, exactly?”

“From this terrible place. To bring him back to life.”

“ _This_ place is terrible? Out there, he was preyed upon for years, betrayed by his family for being their legacy. Forced to kill his own father. Used as just a tool in Snoke’s plans and then Palpatine’s. Why would he want to go back?”

Rey shuddered at the realization that he may be happier here. “His masters are all dead. He would be no one’s tool.”

“Not even yours?”

“Of course not!”

The Dark one smiled, seeming pleased at her angry reaction. Rey frowned and forced herself to calm down, lowering her saber though she continued to hold tightly to the hilt. “And what, exactly, do you plan to do with him when you have him back?”

The hopes Rey had been holding onto returned unbidden, of settling down somewhere to raise Force-sensitive children, with Ben at her side. Other dreams she had developed while sitting in all those frustrating meetings, of Ben being there and knowing how to solve the problem. Of him being able to deal with the politics far more effectively than she could, helping her make the difference she wanted.

“Seems like you do want a tool, a nice tool who will adore you and let you use him up doing your bidding.”

Her horror tied her tongue. The shadow of herself leaned forward, close enough to speak into her ear as she stared, unseeing, into the darkness surrounding them.

“You scarred him and sliced up his face the first time you fought. You forced his hand on the Supremacy, making him kill Snoke for you, and then refused him when he offered you everything he had. You left him to deal with the fallout after he failed to become the shining beacon for the Resistance on your terms. He offered himself to you again and you stabbed him in the chest.”

“I… I healed him,” she correctly hesitantly but her shadow continued relentlessly.

“You killed him and he still came to rescue you from your impulsive plan to defeat the Emperor alone. He _ran_ to you, and all you did was give him a weapon you weren’t using. He was thrown into a pit while you called all the Jedi to you, helping only yourself.”

She swallowed. “They helped me defeat the Emperor.”

Scoffing, the Dark one drew back. “Fine. Then you died and he crawled, bruised and broken, to you, only to give you the last of his life Force. He did all that, and now you want him back? To take him out of this place of peace to a galaxy where all he felt was pain and misery?”

Rey had no answer for that. She dropped her lightsaber and knelt on the rocky ground. Perhaps it was true, that she had no right to take him back. Perhaps she was a fool to come here, thinking she could be the hero in this tale. Perhaps it was time to leave.


	17. Choose the destination but that bridge must be crossed, guess the bottom line is we're cut from different cloths

Rey knelt, defeated, on the ground, thinking of all the things she had done to Ben. All the ways she had hurt him, intentionally or not. There was no reason to bring him back if it would only make him suffer. The worst part was that he would never even tell her of his suffering. He would serve her, love her, give himself for her, and never allow her to return the favor. He’d let her desire for him to be part of the New Republic take over his life, even if it might be the last thing he would want. She wasn’t here to bring him back so he could atone for what he had done.

For weeks, she had lost sleep and ate little, unable to overcome the blow of his loss. Part of her soul was missing and she wanted it back. That was what had brought her to this planet of death, she had thought. But maybe it wasn’t that simple. She had _needed_ to bring Ben back. Not for herself, not because his absence was an inescapable cavity in her life, but because she was guilty. She was the reason he was gone. She was the one who needed to atone.

She had gone to Tatooine to try to escape the guilt, or maybe make up for it in some small way. It hadn’t been for Luke or Master Leia, not really, but because she had hoped serving them would make up for what had happened to the last scion of their house because of her. But that had done nothing to lessen her remorse. So she had returned to the Resistance.

But then all anyone spoke of in the New Republic was the evil of the First Order and of Kylo Ren, and how wonderful it was that he was gone. They spoke little of Leia or Luke, and only in reverent tones. And she hated that reverence, understanding who they were as people and how they, like her, had let Ben Solo down. They had let him down but history remembered them as heroes and him as a terrible villain who deserved his fate.

Maybe bringing him back would set the record straight, she had thought, as she had grown increasingly frustrated with the injustice of it all. If he were here, he could prove to everyone that he was a good man and a good leader. That being on the Dark Side had gone against every authentic part of himself, and that he had only done what he thought he had to do. Maybe then they would understand like she did.

Now that she was here, on the cusp of returning him to the living world, she hesitated. Because what if her shadow self was right? What if he was happier here, kept away from having to defend himself from anyone’s wrong impressions of him? Safe from the pain he had endured while alive? Finally at peace?

But what if she was wrong?

“He is here because of me. It doesn’t matter what he does with his life after he leaves with me, or even if he leaves. But I am the reason he is stuck in this place, and it’s my responsibility to give him a way out. To give him the choice,” she added firmly.

“And what if he doesn’t want to see you ever again?”

Rey got to her feet. “Then he doesn’t have to. But he can do whatever he wants to do, be who he wants to be. He can live.”

“Good.” 

The Dark version of herself disappeared abruptly and Rey frowned in confusion. The feeling didn’t last long because she heard footsteps and whirled around to see a shadow approaching.

“Ben!” she cried, running to him.

“Rey,” he answered in that soft way of his. “It’s really you, isn’t it?”

“Yes, of course.” She looked up at him with tears of relief in her eyes, absolutely certain that this was no vision – he was here at last. Impulsively, she reached out to wrap her arms around him and was comforted when he immediately responded, pulling her closer. Like he had when she had kissed him. She wanted to kiss him again but didn’t want to move from his gentle embrace.

“I’ve been dreaming, I think. Pleasant dreams. You were in a lot of them. But they didn’t feel like this.”

He sounded so calm, though a little confused. She listened to his heartbeat and felt her own speed up as she recalled what the Dark version of herself had said. What if he didn’t want to go back to a galaxy that had offered him nothing but misery? What if he chose to stay here, enjoying those pleasant dreams? She would have to go back alone, to tell her friends he was happy here. But would she be happy, thinking of him peacefully dreaming? Probably not, she admitted to herself, but she would come to accept it. Eventually.

“Ben – ” she began as she regretfully released him and moved back slightly.

“You changed your hair,” he interrupted, one hand hesitantly touching the strands and brushing against her skin. Since leaving Tatooine, since that party, she had stopped putting her hair up. It just hadn’t seemed worth the effort. Now, though, she blushed and wished suddenly that she had put more care into her appearance. She was surely filthy and in desperate need of a wash.

“I like it down. Or up,” he added, seeming concerned that he’d offended her. 

She smiled despite herself, glancing at his lips and wishing she could just kiss him instead of having another challenging conversation. “Ben – thank you – but Ben, I have to ask you something.”

“Anything,” he replied readily.

Wincing, she glanced away, hating herself for the desire to just take him at his word and bring him home with her. “Have you been… experiencing anything unpleasant here?”

He frowned in thought, then looked at her more intently than he had been, like he was waking up from a dream. “Not really. It’s peaceful. I’ve been remembering things from when I was a kid, with my dad and sometimes my mom or Chewie. It’s bittersweet, but not unpleasant. Why? Have you?” he wanted to know, sounding upset at the prospect.

Swallowing hard, she fought back tears at his protective impulse. “I have seen a lot of things, but I’m not sure how true they were.” They felt true, but she pushed that feeling aside – now was hardly the time to discuss it.

“How long have you been here?” He paused, considering, as he studied her face. “How long have I been here?”

“A few weeks. I just got here.”

He nodded slowly, digesting this, then looked her up and down, eyebrows raising at the rope around her waist. “What’s this? How did you get here?”

“I found a portal on Exegol and jumped in. Finn insisted I wear this so I could get back.”

“Why?” He sounded shocked, which was strange – surely Finn’s idea was a good one?

“We weren’t sure how it would work, trying to escape this place,” she explained and he chuckled, the sound bringing heat to her face as she recalled the only time she had heard it before.

“I meant, why did you jump in?”

She folded her arms over her chest and looked up at him, struck, as always, by his stature. His expression was understanding as he watched her, waiting, and her breath caught in her throat. She wanted to embrace him again, to be gently held by him, but that would make what she had to say next impossible.

“I… I came to make up for what I did to you. I hurt you, and you’re here because of me,” she hurried on when he looked like he would protest. “I can get you out of here, I think. I can take you anywhere you want to go when we return. I’m sure… I’m sure my friends at the New Republic can set you up doing whatever you want to do. Or,” she swallowed hard. “Or you can stay here, if that’s what you want.”

It took an effort to meet his unwavering gaze and she waited while he regarded her in that way of his, the way that made it seem like he could see into her very soul. Maybe he could.

“Rey,” he said quietly and she shuddered, realizing that she might never hear her name spoken so sweetly ever again. “What do you want?”

She pressed her lips together to keep the words in – there were a lot of things that she wanted, but she knew that she did not want him to make this decision because of her. “You to have a choice,” she forced out.

His expression softened and he reached out to touch her cheek, featherlight until she leaned into it. Then he cupped her chin and applied the slightest pressure until she met his eyes again. “But what do you want, Rey?”

“You,” she whispered.

He leaned down and kissed her, unhesitatingly, as intently as he had responded to her kiss the last time she had seen him. She wrapped her arms around him, then ran her fingers through his hair as she pulled him closer, aching for more, to have as much of him as possible. He had given her no answer yet and, if this was the last time she would see him, she intended to make the most of it.

“Rey,” he murmured, drawing back slightly. The sight of his blown pupils and mussed hair made her flush and grin in delight. His smile was more hesitant as he slowly ran his fingers up and down her back. “It’s been weeks, you said? What have you been doing? What do you want to do?”

“I’ve been helping rebuild the Republic, but it’s… I haven’t enjoyed it. I thought,” she paused, feeling suddenly very self-conscious. “I thought I might… I’ve been teaching Finn about the Force, because he has some aptitude for it. So I was thinking maybe I could help other people. Children. Like I was, like we were. To understand their powers,” she explained haltingly, very aware of how his own schooling with the Force had gone and how he might react to her suggestion.

“I’m sure you’re a wonderful teacher,” he told her and the heat returned to her face.

“You are, too – I mean, you have been. To me,” she stumbled on. “You could join me, if you want,” she offered quietly.

He was silent for a long moment. She held her breath, aware of how his hands had stilled on her back. Unbidden, the memory of him asking her to join him on the Supremacy returned and she bit her lip, ashamed that her response had been to reach for a weapon instead of talking to him. He was always willing to talk to her, she thought bitterly.

To her dismay, he released her, but only moved far enough away to look at her face with a pensive expression. There were tears on her cheeks and he reached to wipe them away with a frown. Then he met her gaze again. “All you had to do was ask, Rey. I would love to join you.” He swallowed hard, then smiled slightly. “How do we get out of here?”

She grinned, never having more relieved in her entire life. “We hope Finn’s rope idea works.”


	18. Borders they divide but I'm inclined to cut across, reach the outer limits then I cut away my loss

Rey untied the rope from around her waist and handed it to Ben. Her heart was pounding with trepidation but she smiled at him. He bent to kiss her forehead and then she turned off her lightsaber to clip it to her belt. In the utter darkness, they started to climb. Despite all her walking – and running – the rope seemed as slack now as it had been upon her arrival. As if she hadn’t actually gone anywhere. She didn’t want to think about what that meant. Instead, she focused on moving up the rope, putting one hand in front of the other, until suddenly her head broke through the water.

“Rey!” came Rose’s surprised and relieved voice. Rey blinked at the dim light, eyes adjusting as her friends pulled the rope up to help her. Soon she was aware of being fully in the water and not at all in the space below, so she quickly reached back, following the rope, until she felt Ben’s hand. He released the rope to take her hand and she pulled. But getting him back from that Netherworld proved to be more challenging than her own return had been.

“Finn!” she cried, desperately when she encountered some kind of resistance. It was as if there were a barrier for him, a ceiling to the chamber, that she could go through easily but was solid for him.

Finn rushed over to her, looking distressed and uncertain. 

“Help me!” she insisted, and he reached down, mirroring her position. His eyes widened as he must have realized Ben was, in fact, there. Rey closed her eyes, picturing her hold on one of Ben’s hands and Finn’s hold on the other, and how they could return him to this side. Maybe that worked – maybe it helped that Finn had been training for a few weeks – maybe it was just her determination. For whatever reason, Ben was suddenly able to go through with a splash.

The portal seemed to close up after him. The three of them sat in waist-deep water while Rose stood just outside the pool, holding the rope. A giggle bubbled up from Rey’s belly and she couldn’t resist it, no matter how strange it sounded, bouncing off the walls. The intense relief she felt was clearly shared by her friends, and then they were all laughing together. She slid through the water, heedless of her soaked clothes, and wrapped her arms around Ben happily. He was solid and warm – here, really here, at last!

“Well, perhaps you should introduce us,” Rose suggested with a grin.

“Oh, right,” Rey answered, refusing to move though Ben shifted a bit in her grip. “Ben, this is Rose Tico and Finn. Rose, Finn, this is Ben.” She smiled up at him and thought he might be blushing, though it was too dark to be sure.

He held out one of his hands, dripping water, and shook Finn’s. “A pleasure to see you again, Finn,” he said, making Rey wonder what their previous interactions might be. He shook Rose’s hand as well and the woman’s eyes widened before she looked away with a cough. Rey realized – finally – that Ben was not wearing anything. The realization made her hasten to her feet, sloshing out of the pool and over to her pack, which contained the clothing he had left behind when he disappeared the first time.

“It’s a bit cold,” she teased, a little surprised at herself as she handed him the garments, intently making eye contact. Ben regarded her until she flushed and turned away. Finn climbed out of the pool and the three of them busied themselves with finding some way to dry off while Ben dressed. They had not thought to bring a change of clothes – Rey had mainly brought Ben’s because of some vague idea about using something of his to summon him – so they would just have to return to the Falcon soaking wet.

“This seems like a place I’d like to leave forever. Let’s go,” Finn suggested, and he and Rose started off, returning the way they had come. Rey took Ben’s hand, smiling up at him, and followed them. They were silent as they made the long, slow trek back through the throne room and the twisting corridors before they reached the chain that they had climbed down.

“We have the rope, if you need it,” Rey offered, and began climbing herself to fasten it somewhere further up.

“That’s how you came down here?” Ben wanted to know, sounding dubious, and she paused.

“Yes. Why?”

He looked around, frowning slightly. Rey lifted her saber to give him more light. His search took him against the far wall, and he motioned toward something. “It’s a moving platform. I used it to get down the first time,” he explained.

Jumping back to the ground, Rey hurried over to investigate. “Not the second time?” she wanted to know.

“I didn’t want to wait for it,” he replied, glancing at her in a way that made the heat return to her face.

She swallowed. “Thank you – your haste was appreciated.” She was aware of Finn and Rose exchanging a confused glance and she grinned at them. “He was coming to rescue me,” she explained.

“Then we all owe you a debt,” Rose said and Finn nodded, both very serious. Rey looked at Ben and felt a swell of pride. He had come to this planet, running in at full speed, to help her. The enormity of the action was staggering, now that she could safely consider it, and she missed whatever Ben said in response to the assertion and whatever Finn said afterward.

“I think we have time, if I can get it working,” Rose was saying.

“I’ll help,” Rey offered and went with Rose to inspect the mechanism. It appeared to only have been shorted out – perhaps by the lightning the Emperor had insisted on using – and that was easy enough of a fix. A few of the wires were singed and unusable, but they managed to work around that issue together.

“Are we going straight back to the Capitol?” Rose asked quietly, so that Ben and Finn having their own quiet conversation a little ways away would not hear.

“Yes, I think so,” Rey replied, focusing on the problem at hand until Rose cleared her throat. “Why?”

Rose glanced at Ben then back at Rey with a serious expression. “Perhaps he would prefer to go somewhere else. Where he can expect more of a warm welcome.”

Getting to her feet, Rey frowned. “You think the Resistance will send him away? Lock him up?”

“I think he was the Supreme Leader for a year, and there are bound to be some people uncomfortable about that. Even if one of our major goals is rehabilitating the former stormtroopers, I’m not sure how people will feel about applying that to those in command. Most of the officers fled when they saw the tide turning and went into hiding. I’m just saying he might want to consider it,” Rose explained gently. “In any case, let’s get off this terrible planet,” she added as the platform began to move.

“Come on,” Rey called, jumping onto it and taking Ben’s hand again when he joined her. She would hate for him to leave, to go without her someplace. But she couldn’t just run away from the Capitol now, with no warning. Could she?

The platform occasionally shuddered but eventually made it to the surface without incident. Halfway through the trip, Rey was thinking that climbing would have been easier, but she held her tongue. They were all silent, perhaps feeling awkward with Ben there. But they had been mostly silent on the way down, Rey recalled. The atmosphere of the planet was oppressive and she was anxious to leave it.

Her friends must have agreed because the pace with which they approached the Falcon was quite a bit faster than was really necessary. Chewie must have seen them approaching –the gangplank lowered when they got close. Ben slowed at the sight of it, and she squeezed his hand. That was not enough reassurance, apparently, because he stopped entirely when Chewie came into view, heading toward them.

“It’s okay,” she whispered to him and he met her gaze, swallowed visibly, then nodded. Finn and Rose headed up to greet Chewie and then politely made themselves scarce for the reunion. Rey was tempted to join them, but Ben held her hand too tightly to allow for her to escape forcibly, let alone discreetly excuse herself.

“Chewie,” Ben said quietly, making an obvious effort to contain his emotions. The Wookiee looked at him in silence. “I’m so sorry, Chewie – Chewbacca – I – ” he managed to get out. Then Chewie took a step forward and enfolded Ben in a firm embrace. Rey grinned at him, pleased. She had not expected Chewie to be angry – he would hardly have come on this journey if he hadn’t wanted to see Ben again – but was pleasantly surprised by his reaction to Ben’s return.

Stepping back, Chewie gave Ben a nod and said he and Rose could fly if they were tired. Rey looked at Ben and, though he didn’t look tired, he did look overwhelmed to be getting on the Falcon again. “Yes, please do that, Chewie,” Rey answered for them, and led the way up the gangplank. Chewie closed the hatch then headed off toward the cockpit. She paused, uncertain, and looked up at Ben.

“Thank you,” he murmured, squeezing her hand.

“For what?”

“For bringing me back.”

Tears pricked her eyes but she grinned. He was back, back to the living world with her. And she had only kissed him once in this galaxy, so she stood on her toes to make up for that as quickly as possible. He obliged her immediately.


	19. Continue toward the goal in sight no matter what the cost, emboldened by this chance, I'm not afraid to get lost

Bringing someone back from the Vergence Scatter was exhausting, it turned out, so Rey dozed a bit on the trip back to Coruscant. Ben sat next to her on the seats in the common area and let her lean against him. She might have slept if it weren’t for the nervous energy radiating off of him. It fed her own worries about bringing him back to the Resistance – to the New Republic. She hadn’t told anyone of the goal for this mission, and only Poe may have guessed the truth of it. Perhaps Rose was right and Ben should go elsewhere until she could join him.

Sitting up abruptly, she studied his expression, aware he was doing the same to her. She swallowed, having perhaps forgotten what it was like to be truly seen like this, like he understood her every thought. “Ben,” she forced out. “Where do you want to go?”

“Finn told me that he’s helping stormtroopers overcome their programming, and was hoping I might assist him,” he said slowly.

She frowned, surprised. “Why?”

He looked away, his mouth working in that way of his. “I am familiar with the infrastructure of the First Order and could be very useful to the effort of dismantling it. I… think he means for me to be an example for the reformed troops. That anyone can choose to be on the right side.”

“Did he say that to you?” she demanded, bristling at the idea of the burdens and choices of Ben’s life being used in such a utilitarian manner.

To her surprise, he turned back to her with a fond expression. It was suddenly very difficult to keep her train of thought and she flushed. “No, Rey. But my circumstances are not unlike theirs, being groomed to serve Snoke from a young age and never really allowed to consider that there were any other options.” 

He took a deep, shuddering breath and she bit her lip as she watched his chest stretch his shirt. 

“I still don’t know if I believe that there are. I… I knew, after you – after what happened on the Death Star wreckage. I knew I couldn’t be that person anymore and I was so very tired of trying. There was no reason to stay, and I thought I might have a reason to leave. So I went after you but I didn’t think beyond that. I never considered what would happen if this all ended, if we won.” He spoke slowly, as if articulating his feelings were an unfamiliar exercise.

She took his hand and waited for him to look at her again. “Neither did I. None of us did, I think. It’s been a difficult few weeks as we’re all trying to come to terms with a new galaxy and a New Republic that won’t let the remnants of another empire fester in the dark. After we defeated the Final Order, we all went to Coruscant to start fixing things. We took a lot of prisoners with us, but Finn told us that we couldn’t just imprison everyone who was part of the First Order or the Empire. That capturing anyone who didn’t help us against them would lead to half the galaxy in our prisons. We needed to give asylum, not punishment.

“It wasn’t a popular opinion at first. People were hurting and wanted someone to pay for what happened. But Lando talked about his place in the Rebellion. It made a difference, hearing his account of turning, and then we heard from Jannah and her company of defectors. Some of the Resistance still left, but the rest started the work of helping everyone, even those from the other side.”

She paused, caught up in the memory. “I went to Tatooine for a while after that. I think… I hadn’t let myself grieve for you, or even process what had happened. But I think seeing all of these people from the First Order welcomed without a fuss and I… At least when we were on separate sides, I could tell myself we were apart for a good reason. That my friends would never accept you and I’d have to choose between the right side and being with you. But seeing how much my side valued defectors from yours…” She swallowed hard. “I realized that we could have been together without sacrificing my friendships and I couldn’t bear the constant reminder of how easily you could have fit in with my life rebuilding the Republic. So I fled.”

He reached up to touch her cheek and she realized she was crying. “Rey… You went to Tatooine? What… Why?”

His voice was so gentle but so skeptical that she laughed. “I don’t know, I just thought I could honor your family in some way.”

It was clear that he was sympathetic for her emotional state but also dismayed by her logic. “But, Rey, you know my grandfather was a slave there. His mother was murdered there. Uncle… Luke” – he stuttered slightly on the word – “had a fine enough upbringing, from what I’ve heard about it. But he always wanted to leave. My namesake was in exile, watching over him. And my parents – ” He had to pause and take a breath. She squeezed his hand in support. “My father was imprisoned in carbonite by a gangster and my mother was enslaved in her rescue attempt. It was _not_ a place that any of them would return to, and certainly not somewhere to go to honor my family,” he told her firmly.

She smiled. “Maybe I just wanted something familiar.”

Abruptly, he pulled her close. She obligingly pressed herself against his chest and sighed as she breathed in his scent. “Rey, you should never be scraping by in a desert ever again. There are so many more beautiful planets in this galaxy that you could live on, if you insist on exiling yourself.”

She giggled. “You’re objecting to my choice of location instead of my choice to leave?”

“Yes,” he insisted, and she laughed outright. “I understand the impulse to leave,” he continued in spite of her reaction. “But at least Luke had the sense to become a hermit on a water planet, where there was plenty of life around him. No one would choose to live in endless desert if they could help it.”

“Where would you choose to live?” she asked, trying to say it casually despite wanting very much to know the answer.

His arms tensed around her and she could hear his heartbeat flutter. “I don’t know,” he murmured.

He was silent long enough for her to sit back to look at his face. “Ben,” she prompted gently.

“I… I’ve always accepted whatever happened to me, believing that it was the will of the Force. I tried not to consider how my choices could have an impact. I certainly never expected to get anything that I wanted.” 

His expression as he stared at her made heat rise in her cheeks. She was suddenly reminded of the first few moments after they had defeated the guards in Snoke’s throne room – and the way he’d looked at her. She had been afraid of it then, seeing his desire clearly written on his face. Now, well. Maybe afraid wasn’t the right word anymore.

She reached up to touch his hair, then his cheek. He caught her hand and turned his head to kiss her palm, holding her gaze all the while. It felt very difficult to breathe. This wasn’t like how touching him and talking to him in the Netherworld had been – now it felt like when she’d accidentally brushed up against a live wire in an old wreck. “Ben,” she whispered, his name coming to her lips unbidden.

“Rey,” he answered breathlessly.

The Falcon abruptly dropped out of lightspeed and shook a little as it adjusted to moving into, presumably, the atmosphere. Realization that they were nearly to their destination broke the spell and Rey reluctantly moved back a little from him – not too far, of course. She was flushed, avoiding eye contact, and trying to remember what they had been talking about. Clearing her throat, she smoothed her clothes absently. “Well, looks like we’re here. I’m sure Chewie could fly you somewhere else if you’d rather not stay.”

“I’ll stay,” he told her resolutely, looking at her until she met his gaze again, and her heart pounded at his sincerity. “I’ll stay,” he repeated, and she reached up to touch his face once more. 

But then loud approaching footsteps interrupted her. She snatched her hand back like she had on Ahch-To, at once both appreciative and resentful of Finn’s noisy approach. Ben leaned back a little, getting away from her, and she hoped desperately that he had not also been reminded of Ahch-To and how she had pulled back first.

“You guys ready?” Finn asked, glancing between them and clearly aware of what he had interrupted. She nodded, as did Ben a moment later. “Good. We’ve told Poe we’re coming, but don’t expect a welcome wagon. Let’s be discreet here until we’ve talked to Lando.”

Ben stiffened and she glanced over at him. She had mentioned to him that Lando was here, after all, but perhaps he hadn’t contemplated that reunion until now. “It’s not too late to bail out,” she told him gently.

Blinking, he focused on her again. “Yes, it is,” he asserted and she inhaled sharply at what he was implying. 

He got to his feet before she could respond to his statement, and she followed him and Finn to the cockpit. It was always breathtaking, seeing the horizon-long city come into view. It wasn’t someplace she would want to live forever, as crowds made her nervous, but it was lovely to see. Rose and Chewie piloted them expertly down to the building where the new Republic was being built and she took Ben’s hand reassuringly as they landed. If they were foolish enough not to accept him readily here, then she would be happy to take him elsewhere.


	20. Cuz now I'm pushing forward and nobody dare oppose, now I'm moving faster while that ticking clock slows

Discretion was easier when they could land in the hangar of the New Republic building. There was no danger of the crowded welcome Rey had received on Coruscant after she left Tatooine, which she was startled to realize was not very long ago at all. It felt like a lifetime had passed since she had arrived here, desolate and angry at the galaxy but unwilling to admit either feeling to herself. Now she might be a little nervous about how this might go, but was reassured by Ben’s presence and the resolution to run away with him if he were not welcomed properly. And then she would still be with Ben! So she could hardly worry about either prospect.

Chewie led the way off of the Falcon, followed by Finn and Rose and then Rey and Ben. They had only gotten about halfway across the hangar bay when Poe, Kaydel, and Lando Calrissian entered from the other side. Ben stopped short and she tightened her grip on his hand. Perhaps it would have been better to let them know about the purpose of the mission, or that it had been successful, without him present to witness the reactions of their leaders. But Rey would not stand for any mistreatment of him, not after everything that had happened, so she was confident they would at least be polite.

“Your mission seems to have taken no time at all, Jedi Rey. Are you always as efficient as you are lovely?” Lando called as they approached. Kaydel, walking at his side, smiled. Behind them, Poe was stone-faced and silent, looking only at Ben.

“Your ship is none the worse for wear, as I’m sure you can see,” Rey responded, gesturing with her free hand. She smiled as Lando’s attention seemed to be fully on the ship and to have hardly registered their presence. Beside her, Ben was holding his breath.

“Yes, wonderful, I knew I could trust you to fulfill that part of the bargain. Now, for the other part, I’ve had some dinner brought to my dining room and would be honored if all of you would join me. Even you, you old pirate,” Lando added with a grin toward Chewie, who growled in response. Then the man stopped, his smile disappearing. He leaned suddenly on his cane and Kaydel rushed to assist him, greatly concerned. Waving her away, he blinked at them. “Ben?”

It was hardly more than a whisper, but somehow seemed to echo across the empty hangar. Rey was glad no one else was around – Ben was uncomfortable enough without adding more witnesses. His eyes were wide as he stared at Lando, then swallowed heavily. “Uncle Lando,” he offered tentatively.

“I’m alright,” Lando insisted to Kaydel, then looked at Ben again. “I… it’s been a long time, Ben. I wasn’t sure – I thought I’d seen a ghost,” he added, forcing his cheerful expression to return with difficulty.

“That wouldn’t be inaccurate,” Rey offered when Ben was silent.

Lando finally tore his gaze away from Ben to look at her. “I see. Well, let us retire to eat – I’m sure you’re famished – and you can tell me all about it.” He turned around and headed toward the lift. Kaydel shot Rey a questioning glance before she followed him. Rey looked up at Ben to see if he wanted to go with Lando or not. His expression was dazed but he met her gaze with a slight nod. So she started forward and Ben hesitated only a moment before doing the same.

“Wait,” Poe murmured when they got close. “I’m not too keen on having him alone with our new chancellor,” he said firmly.

“I’ll vouch for him,” Rey told him, just as firmly.

“Rey, it’s okay.” Ben sounded almost relieved. She frowned at him, searching his face. Then, more helpfully, she searched their connection – he was afraid, unsurprisingly, and she blushed at how touched he was by her sticking up for him. He looked at her steadily, his resolve to see the situation through quite clear. Well, she would keep running away together as an option, even if he was willing to accept whatever the New Republic threw at him. There was no way she would accept any kind of separation.

Finn stepped forward, Rose close behind. “You know what Rey told us about him. I trust her judgement.”

“The war is over, Poe. Snoke and Palpatine are dead. We need allies, not more enemies,” Rose explained in that gentle way of hers.

Poe did not seem entirely convinced, but he nodded grudgingly. They joined Lando and Kaydel by the lift, where the two were waiting and politely ignoring the conversation they were missing. Rey noticed that Poe tried to keep himself between Ben and Lando, and also that Lando took note of their clasped hands with a slight raise of his eyebrows. Finn and Rose looked grim, while Chewie and Kaydel seemed unconcerned with the palpable tension in the small space of the lift when they had all boarded. As for Ben, well, his emotions were churning at the close quarters they were all squeezed into and she wondered if she should insist on getting him out of this situation. He squeezed her hand and shook his head slightly, so she acquiesced. Even if she continued to mentally tally how much food was aboard the Falcon, and how far its current fuel stores could get them.

They reached the floor that had been put aside for the Chancellor, a role Lando had been fulfilling since Exegol while a proper election was organized. There was little doubt that he would win – no one else had his experience in peace-time ruling, or his charm to convince anyone to join his side. It was a relief to know the galaxy would be in his capable hands for the time being.

Rey was not particularly familiar with trappings of wealth, but the doors opened onto one of the fanciest places she had ever seen. There was soft upholstery, sleek and shiny tile, a fountain just in the center of the room – she tried hard not to stare, but she could feel Ben’s amusement in her reaction. She smiled up at him, glad he was no longer quite so worried.

They settled around a large table, already spread with more foods than Rey could put names to. She realized she hadn’t eaten since they had left and was absolutely starving. Still, she had learned that it was considered rude to eat as quickly as one could, so she forced herself to wait and see what everyone else would do.

“I am glad to have all of you as my guests on this momentous occasion. Not only was I elected Chancellor of the New Republic, but my favorite nephew appears out of nowhere to join my celebration. Tell me all about your adventure, Rey, Finn, Rose. I’m sure it’s fascinating,” he added with a smile when no one spoke.

Looking mournfully at her plate, Rey launched into the tale. She told about working with Finn and Rose to search through the Jedi texts, about their frustrations at finding nothing, about their eventual success. She told about going back to Exegol and how her visions had led her to the pool. She did not dwell on the particulars of the visions, nor on exactly what she had seen while she was in the Vergence Scatter. But she did talk about finding Ben and bringing him out with her.

“How wonderfully brave of you, Rey, to have gone into such a terrible place for him. You’d better appreciate her, Ben,” Lando added with playful firmness.

“I do,” Ben replied much more seriously than Lando had been, and Rey felt her cheeks getting warm.

“Now, perhaps you can tell us how you knew Ben would be in this Netherworld,” Lando continued.

Rey swallowed, glancing at Ben uncertainly. He leaned forward and everyone’s attention turned toward him. “I went to help Rey face off against Palpatine. Afterward, she… was injured and I used the Force to heal her. Given the efforts of the fight and the wounds we had already sustained, it took all of my life Force to bring her back. I fell into the Vergence Scatter then,” Ben explained quickly, obviously preferring not to dwell on those events.

“So you have been in there since the Emperor fell?” Lando asked, surprised.

“Yes.”

The older man frowned slightly at Ben. “Well, perhaps you can tell me about it sometime. Why don’t we eat?”

Rey was very relieved to hear that suggestion and set to her plate with gusto. Lando showed his colors as a politician by easily carrying the conversation through the meal. He kept it lighthearted and pleasant until everyone had eaten their fill. Then he asked Ben to speak with him privately. Rey checked in again through their bond to make sure Ben was up to the task. He nodded at her as he got to his feet and walked haltingly off into one of the side rooms with Lando. As soon as they disappeared, all eyes were on her and she swallowed the last of her food regretfully.

“Rey, I know we were understanding about Kylo Ren being your boyfriend or whatever, but why did you bring him here?” Poe hissed.

“Oh, sorry, should we just leave, then?” Rey shot back, sarcasm coloring her voice.

Poe’s exasperation was written all over his face and he threw up his hands.

“He can help us,” Finn told him. Poe turned to look at him in surprise. “What better example could we have for joining our side than the Supreme Leader himself? Look, man, I know you have some ugly history with him – we all do – but imprisonment or banishment helps no one. If he could work with us, help us find the rest of the First Order and rehabilitate as many of them as we can, think what we could do.”

“We might be able to make peace actually stick. Instead of the next generation having to deal with the remnants of the First Order the way we’ve been dealing with the remnants of the Empire,” Rose added.

Poe nodded slowly, looking at Rey. “Will he help us?”

“I think he wants to,” she replied, not saying that she would leave that completely up to him. She refused to coerce him to do anything.

“Fine. We’ll try. But I’m not making any promises,” Poe added quickly.

“I don’t expect any,” Rey replied calmly.

Poe didn’t seem happy as he got to his feet. “Well, I have work to do. Ask Lando about what he wants done with Kyl – I mean Ben,” he corrected himself at Rey’s glare. “If he wants us to announce his presence or whatever. Keep out of trouble,” he added as he walked away from the table.

After watching him go, Finn and Rose exchanged a glance. “Well, I need some sleep,” Finn said as he stood, Rose doing the same as she nodded.

Rey hurried over to embrace them. “Thank you for all of your help. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“We know,” Rose teased. “See you tomorrow, Rey.”

They also left, and Rey looked toward the door where Ben and Lando had disappeared with some trepidation, wondering how long they would be. If she should knock or just wait. She glanced back at Kaydel, surprised to find her staring with wide eyes.

“So, Kylo Ren is your boyfriend? I always knew you had guts, but wow. I need to know _everything_ about that.”


	21. And now I'm climbing higher like the ground can't hold, so I don't plan on stopping when this summit plateaus

Rey chatted with Kaydel while they waited and finally agreed to go on that shopping trip. She also ate quite a bit more. When Ben emerged from his talk with Lando, he seemed emotionally spent but clearly relieved by their conversation. Lando wished them good night and Kaydel showed them out. Too late, Rey realized that she should have asked where Ben could stay. But the doors of the lift were already closed.

Trying not to blush too much, she glanced up at him and then away. She couldn’t help but think about their last time alone in one of these, how sure they had both been that the other would join them. And how it had finally come true.

“I can stay on the Falcon. Chewie suggested it,” he said abruptly and she wondered if he was feeling as awkward as she did.

“Yes, perfect, I’m sure that’ll be excellent,” she replied, wincing internally. The lift was much too fast and they were at the floor where the hangar was before she could think of something more intelligent to say.

“Good night, Rey.” 

He was looking down at her attentively and she sucked in a breath. “Good night, Ben.” Perhaps not the most original response, but she invested some emotion into it – relief and happiness that he was back. He smiled, an expression she was definitely not used to, and then he bent to kiss her forehead. Sorely tempted to do something rash, she managed to restrain herself to merely watching him walk away. And maybe sighing a little. She would see him again soon, she told herself, and she w _as_ exhausted from the mission to return him to life. So she could watch him go for a little while.

By the time she had awakened the next morning, Finn and Poe had already apparently spoken to and taken Ben with them to get to work. She learned this from Rose and was stricken not to see him right away. However, she could feel his presence in the Force and realized he was still in the building, so perhaps she was overreacting. Her concern that they hadn’t let him rest enough, that this wasn’t something he wanted to do, that he wasn’t being properly cared for soon replaced her distress at his absence. Rose reassured her about that, too, and she let herself be convinced – Ben didn’t _feel_ distressed, at any rate.

This turned out to be an unfortunate harbinger of life in the New Republic – it was very busy and she saw Ben rarely. Well, at least once a day, but that wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot. Still, he seemed to take to rehabilitating stormtroopers and officers as easily as Finn did. Not all of the officers were willing to be rehabilitated – the stormtroopers were an easier sell – but some had been brought up by the Empire’s generals and had as little choice in the matter as the troopers. In any case, Ben was naturally very empathetic and compassionate, so was quite successful. Finn regularly spoke highly of him to Rey, sometimes with Ben there, the tips of his ears pink with embarrassment, sometimes whenever they had a moment alone.

Rey did not see much of Finn, either. They met for dinner most nights, but little else. Her days were taken up working with Rose. The morning after Ben had returned, she had confessed to Rose her passion for helping the downtrodden children in the galaxy, knowing Rose would also feel an affinity for those left behind by circumstance.

“That’s something I’ve been trying to work on, actually,” Rose had replied, her eyes shining, clearly happy to have someone who felt the same way. “I’m not saying the children who were taken to be stormtroopers are the lucky ones, but at least they got regular meals out of their slave labor.”

Rey had never considered herself a slave, but she had been sold, so… “You’re right! Can we end slavery?”

Rose smiled at her. “I don’t know, but we can certainly try.”

So they spent their days, if not ending slavery, then at least rescuing children from their dire circumstances. Slavery had never been a legal practice in the galaxy, but being illegal had not stopped it from being prevalent before. The New Republic banned the practice, though setting up its infrastructure would take some time before any laws were enforceable. There needed to be more immediate action if they wanted to make a difference.

Rey and Rose set up homes for the children and went personally to pick them up – Rose insisted on starting with some on Canto Bight and Rey was delighted to find that one was able to use the Force. She started teaching him right away, forgoing studying the Texts to just practicing feeling the Force and what it could do. She was surprised to learn that she had gleaned a lot from the Texts and could discuss more theory with him than she would have expected. Of course, being a child, he was understandably not all that interested in it.

Sometimes she had a chance to talk to Ben in the evenings, but usually not alone. Occasionally, if a mission kept one of them away from Coruscant overnight, their bond might connect them briefly. When it did, she wanted desperately to ask him about his future plans, and how he felt about all of this, but her tongue always seemed to get tied whenever the chance arose. So they spent the connection giving each other updates or in companionable silence. He looked good, in any case, and those churning emotions that had been his constant companion as long as she had known him seemed to have settled.

Finally, on a rare occasion where Finn and Rose were busy, she had an opportunity to really talk to him and figured she had better take it – this standstill had gone on too long. They were in the hangar bay, ostensibly to help Chewie work on the Falcon, but Chewie had gone off to find some part or another. It was strange to feel shy, especially with someone who could read her emotions, but Rey couldn’t help but blush as she looked away from him and tried to think of what to say.

“Ben – ”

“Rey – ”

She giggled and he smiled – still not an expression she was used to seeing, but one she had had the pleasure of seeing more and more often.

“You go first,” he offered.

Clearing her throat, she turned her attention to the tech she had been fixing. “I was just wondering how you’re feeling about all this. Working with Finn,” she added.

He considered. “It’s good work. These people have never been able to make their own choices before, so it takes some guidance to get them used to it. And giving them options of what they want to do with their lives can be a difficult step for them. We’re trying to make it easier, but they have to just take a chance sometimes.”

She nodded, casting about for something to say. “There were a lot of stormtroopers with the First Order.”

“Yes. It’ll take a lot of time to help them all,” he added thoughtfully.

Pressing her lips together, she nodded again, not liking where this idea was headed. How much time it would take and how long would he stay here?

“How have your Force teachings been going?”

She smiled up at him, pushing away her concerns. If he felt as passionately about his work as she did about hers, then of course it could take as long as it needed to. “Great! The children are really taking to it. We’ve found homes for three dozen, though the Force users are a bit more difficult. Prospective parents can be wary of them, and, anyway, they have to be close by for me to teach them all.”

“You could be a traveling teacher,” he suggested with his usual seriousness. “Go around the galaxy and give Force lessons in a different place every day.”

The idea was a good one – though she still wished to develop her own school, having that as an option would help with students who wanted to stay with their families. It would be a lot of travel on her part, but she did greatly enjoy visiting new places. She grinned up at him. “That’s brilliant!”

He looked faintly confused, as though her response was unexpected. “That’s what you want to do?”

“Well, I want to have a school to train children to control their powers. Whether they want to stay long enough to become Jedi will be up to them, but I think it’s important that they have some grasp of what they can do. So they don’t accidentally explode anything,” she explained with a slight frown before pushing past the image that phrase dredged up. “Anyway, I don’t want to take anyone away from their families, so traveling to the rest of the students is a great idea, thank you!”

“It was hardly groundbreaking,” he deferred but she laughed and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. He turned to look at her and she froze at their proximity, glancing at his lips then back at his eyes questioningly. Neither of them were adept at casual affection and she had not touched him since they had returned from Exegol. Now, several weeks removed from those moments on the Falcon, she felt nervous and uncertain.

He reached up to gently touch her cheek, brushing the hair back from her face with agonizing slowness before he bent to kiss her lightly. She wanted more, but he drew away. Her heart ached at the distance between them, trying to decide how to bridge it.

“How long do you plan to stay here? In Coruscant.”

His voice was gentle but overly formal as he looked out at the city and she sighed before answering. “I don’t know. Until I get the school set up. Rose and I have been focusing on finding and helping more children, so I haven’t done much to look into that idea. There are places for them to stay here for now. I’m not in a hurry to leave,” she added, uncertain why he was asking.

He looked at her again and her heart pounded at the attentiveness. “To leave your friends?”

“I… It is nice to be here with them. But I don’t enjoy the crowds.” Both those inside and outside this building. It was hard to find a moment to be alone, especially now that Ben lived on the Falcon with Chewie, so going there was no longer a refuge. Not that he would have turned away her company if she had gone, but it would no longer be the solitude she craved. And the idea of going there to see him alone made her flush and she always lost her nerve before she got too close.

Turning her attention back to Ben, she studied his profile and the thoughtful expression on his face. He certainly seemed to be pleased with what he was doing, but he looked tired. Sometimes, after they had dinner together, he and Finn went back to work. On occasion, they never came to dinner in the dining hall at all, and she and Rose would bring them food. It was strange to see Ben in his element, speaking with a former stormtrooper or with one of the Resistance members, actually making friends. It made her heart clench in a strange way, almost jealous that they got to spend so much time with him. But she wouldn’t take this away from him.

“How long do you plan to stay on Coruscant?” she asked, aware that the question was too abrupt to be anything but awkward.

He seemed surprised that she would ask. “I don’t know.”

“Because we can leave, whenever you want. If you want. It’s not – things are moving along and they won’t need us here forever. You don’t have to feel obligated to stay until all of the First Order is assimilated and the New Republic is running smoothly – that might never happen.” If anything, he looked more surprised – or perhaps stunned – so she paused, clearing her throat. “I mean, unless that is what you want to do. You may not be used to making choices, either, like your stormtroopers, but you do get to decide what to do with your life,” she told him firmly.

Without warning, he reached for her and kissed her thoroughly, pulling her against his chest. She ran her hands across his back and through his hair, desperate to touch him, until a familiar yowl interrupted them. She didn’t jump back in surprise like she might have done weeks earlier, but her heart was pounding at being caught.

“Sorry, Chewie,” Ben said, though he kept looking down at her with a fond expression as he tightened his grip around her waist. Then he looked up at the Wookiee. “How soon will the Falcon be ready to fly?”

Chewie grumbled about all the repairs that still needed to be made but admitted it could travel now. That made Ben grin for some reason and Rey was shocked at the rarity of it, her cheeks growing warm and a returning grin forming on her face.

“Great. Then get ready to take off, Chewie.” Rey stared at him, bewildered. He kissed her lightly again. “I’ll come back for you, sweetheart, I promise. There’s just something I have to do first.” A firmer kiss and then he released her, turning to follow Chewie onto the Falcon.

“Wait!” she called, confused and dismayed. He turned around to look at her and she couldn’t help but be reminded of when she had closed the door to the Falcon on him.

“It’s okay, Rey. It won’t take long. I love you,” he added almost breathlessly as the engines started up. He shut the hatch and they took off while she stared, too shocked to move. 


	22. I'm that invasion of the body by the soul, sickened from the cold but soon a certified whole

Some part of her was aware that it was late, that she should really go to bed. But Rey remained in the hangar, staring at where the Falcon had been, unable to move. A logical part of her chided that she should not have been surprised that Ben had confessed his love to her – he had, after all, given his life for her. Not to mention his behavior in, well, _any_ of their previous interactions, if she was being honest. But to have him just blurt it out…

She was not prepared. That was all. If she had been prepared, she would have said it back – right? That was what one was supposed to do, she was pretty sure. Especially if it was true. Which it was – it _was_! Of course she loved him! How could she not? He was so understanding, and gentle with her. And tall. She couldn’t discount that, even if it made kissing him a bit of a challenge. But she was always good at climbing things, so she was not going to complain.

“Hey, Rey, what are you doing up here?” Rose’s voice broke her out of her reverie at last. She shook her head slightly in a vain attempt to settle her thoughts, and turned to see her friend crossing the hangar toward her. The other woman was dressed in her work clothes, carrying a crate with another mechanic at her side – Riva, she was pretty sure her name was. Rose raised her eyebrows when Rey met her gaze, so her face must have been flushed – it certainly _felt_ flushed.

“Ben just – Ben and Chewie – they left,” she explained awkwardly.

“Did they?” Rey nodded numbly, and Rose waited for her to continue before changing the subject. “You know Riva, right? I used to work with her back when I was stuck behind pipes all day,” Rose reminded Rey gently.

Riva smiled at her a little shyly and Rey found herself grinning back – a more conservative expression would not do. “Yes, I remember,” she assured them both, nodding more than was necessary.

Obviously catching Rey’s strange behavior, Rose set down the crate and leaned toward Riva. “Why don’t you go get the rest? I’ll be along in a minute.” Riva nodded and headed back the way they had come while Rose walked over to Rey. “What’s going on with you? I didn’t think you had any lessons today, and we’re both waiting on word from Klaud about the children.”

“Ben left,” was her brilliant answer.

Rose raised an eyebrow. “So you said. I thought the stormtroopers were usually brought here. Did they find a bunch of officers hiding out or something?”

Rey shook her head silently.

When she didn’t say anything else, Rose folded her arms and regarded her appraisingly. “Did he tell you where he was going?”

“No.”

“Hmm. Are you worried?”

Worry wasn’t exactly the word she would use, but her uneasiness was plain. “He promised he’d come back,” she offered.

“Naturally. And what else did he say, Rey?” Rose prompted with a growing smile, as if she knew the answer.

Was it too private a thing to tell anyone? Would Ben prefer her not to say anything? She paused, uncertain again. No one had ever told her they loved her before, as far as she could recall. Whomever her parents had been, there had been no loving goodbyes. And while her friends certainly cared for her, they weren’t going to declare their feelings in such a dramatic fashion.

Rose was suddenly laughing and Rey looked at her sharply. “Oh, of course, he finally told you how he feels. What did you say?” Rose asked and Rey was thrown momentarily, wondering if she’d said her thought process out loud. Rose giggled some more at her confusion. “I mean, there really is only one thing he could have told you to make you so stunned and tongue-tied, Rey. And it’s been obvious from the moment you brought him back that he’s crazy about you.”

“It is?” she asked, blushing.

“Only a fool could miss it. That boy would do anything for you.”

While Rose seemed to find the concept endearing, Rey’s heart sank as she thought of what the Dark version of herself had told her. She didn’t want him to do anything for her – he’d already done that. She wanted him to be able to live without any master telling him what to do, and she had no interest in taking the place of his other masters. She loved him for who he was, what made him Ben. Not because of his love for her, though she had to admit that it did add to her feelings. He knew her, really knew her, and still loved her. All of her, darkness and light. How could she not love him for that?

“I think we should celebrate. It’s too late to go out, but I think we can get some treats from the kitchens. Let’s go,” Rose suggested firmly, and Rey was glad to follow her. They found something tasty and sweet, though Rey didn’t know what it was, and were soon giggling about boys. She imagined it was something young women might often do, if they were not scraping by to survive, and was very happy to be able to share her excitement with someone. 

Before too long, though, Rose insisted that it had been a long day and they needed to rest up before tomorrow. It was true, of course, and already terribly late. Rey begrudgingly returned to her room, feeling like her heart would burst and unsure if she wanted to laugh or cry. Sleep was the last thing on her mind, but she must have dozed off eventually. The next thing she knew, it was morning.

Ben did not return all that next day, and Rey did her best to focus on the work that she and Rose were doing. It was an insurmountable challenge, even if Rose was patient with her continual distractedness. By the time night fell, she was exhausted and feeling guilty about how little she had managed to get done. Sleep that night was no easier, though this time due to encroaching anxiety rather than unfettered delight. She had no idea where Ben was and if he might be in trouble. She could attempt to activate their bond, to see him, but she decided against it. If he was in trouble, surely he would activate it himself? Or she would be able to feel his distress. When she reached out, sensing his emotions, she found that they were tumultuous but not anxious or afraid. 

There was also the fact that the prospect of seeing him again made her terribly nervous. She would have to tell him her feelings. And she hoped to have some finesse instead of just blurting it out the moment he appeared, which she currently could not trust herself to avoid doing. So she spent much of the night crafting what she would say when she saw him again, to be sure she could get it right.

On the second day, she was in a meeting with Rose when he appeared in the doorway, like a vision, making whatever she had been in the middle of saying disappear entirely from her head. “Ben!”

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” he began, looking more at Rose than at Rey. “Can I borrow Rey for a bit?”

“Yes, of course, Ben. We were nearly finished,” Rose lied and Rey smiled at her in appreciation. They had only just started, but she was happy to follow Ben out of the room.

“You’re back,” she said, wincing at the mundanity of the statement. She cast about for something more interesting to say as they walked along, but suddenly they were in the lift, heading for a hangar bay, and she had thought of nothing. She could feel his nervousness even while he stood perfectly still, having long since overcome most of his physical tells. He did not fidget or shift his weight the way everyone else did, but she could tell he was upset when he was unmoving. What had upset him? Her eyes narrowed as she considered how she would deal with anyone who had put him in his present mood. Was his mission, whatever it was, disappointed? What could she do to fix the situation?

“Rey,” he said softly, and she looked up at him, losing her train of thought. “Would you be willing to go somewhere with me?”

“Right now?” They were already nearly to the hanger where the Falcon surely was – of course he meant now. It was a silly question and she wished she could take it back.

“Preferably.”

She swallowed at the way he was looking at her. “Yes, um, of course. Where are we going?”

“I’d rather it be a surprise,” he said almost apologetically.

Surprises tended to activate her fight or flight response, but she smiled nonetheless. A surprise from him would be a pleasant experience, she decided. “Alright.”

They exited the lift and walked across the empty hangar to board the Falcon. Chewie was not aboard, apparently, and Rey wondered about that. But Ben was back beside her and holding her hand, so she had trouble caring much about anything else. Especially when she realized that they were going to have to fly together for the first time, as copilots. She had never flown with anyone but Chewie before and was delighted at the prospect.

She grinned up at him, sure they would be just as in sync flying as when they were fighting together. They settled into the cockpit and he smiled at her as they started up the Falcon and took off. She was elated to discover that her theory had been correct – they flew beautifully together and it was a vastly superior experience to flying alone. She was dismayed to find that the trip was quite short – only to another world in the Core – and almost asked to keep flying around for the thrill of it. Later, she reassured herself. They would have to fly back together, soon enough. 

The planet they were approaching was not one she recognized by sight, but she enjoyed the view. It had large seas and lot of greenery, which always made her smile. It wasn’t as nice as flying with Ben, but looked quite pleasant. Instead of using a docking port, Ben directed them to land in a field, which prompted her to look at him sharply. He didn’t respond to her unasked question and the Falcon set down gently on the turf. She followed Ben out onto the grass and stopped to take in the beautiful lawn surrounded by a thick forest. It was like a fairy tale. In the distance, there was a large building – a gigantic house, it seemed to be.

“Where are we? Who lives there?” she asked, her voice an awed whisper.

He was amused by the question, or by her reaction to the scenery, and he caught her hand to kiss it lightly. “This is the Castle of Lake Andrasha,” he explained, pointing through the trees at the giant house – the castle – she had spotted. Then he cleared his throat self-consciously, glancing at her then away, his hand trembling a little in hers. Her brow furrowed as she tried to understand why he had brought her here so suddenly. 

“As for who lives there, I was hoping you would.”


	23. Never one to fight but I just hit it on the nose, it took my spirit, but I got it back, case closed

“Me? Why would I live there?” Rey asked, considerably taken aback. It wasn’t exactly the kind of place she was used to.

“I’ll show you,” Ben offered with a smile, the Force buzzing with his excitement at the prospect.

Still perplexed but now amused by his demeanor, she let him lead her across the lawn, her spirits lifting at the sight of all the greenery. It would be quite pleasant to live here – she could easily grant him that, even if she didn’t know what had prompted this idea. As they got closer, she was floored to realize that the house was the most opulent place she had ever seen – even more so than Lando’s chancellor quarters. In fact, there was so much to take in that she balked in the doorway, suddenly afraid at the idea of going inside. It was too beautiful to be hers, and she knew she would love it as soon as she saw more. 

“Let me show you,” Ben implored, a gentler offer than when they had been outside.

“Ben,” she protested, not knowing how to put her thoughts into words.

He squeezed her hand and leaned down to kiss her brow tenderly. “At least come see the kitchen.” She nodded slowly and gave in, biting her lip. But Ben started to talk in a reassuring tone about the different rooms as he showed her around, about their uses and history, about how they might be appropriated for her purposes. It was easy to let him sweep her through the rest of the house after she was suitably impressed by the kitchen. The whole place was impressive, of course. Without him there to explain it, she would never have realized this was supposed to be a home, nor how many kinds of rooms people would put into their homes. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

As they continued the tour, she was touched by his attentiveness – he thought this place could be her home and her school to teach the Force to children. Though she had always longed for the former and had been dreaming of the latter, the physical reality of it was almost too much to bear. This couldn’t be real. She had only told him of her idea days before and he’d left immediately – he must have known about this place. This palace that was standing empty, waiting for a purpose. 

And, from the way he was talking, she was becoming increasingly sure why he knew so much about it – this was where he had been born. In retrospect, she remembered that Chandrila was one of the Core planets, known for its seas and proximity to the capital. This was where Master Leia had settled with Han to start her family, where Ben had spent his childhood. And now he wanted to give it to her, to help lonely children. Like him.

“Rey?” Ben stopped whatever he had been saying abruptly, searching her face with a worried expression.

She realized there were tears on her face and she took a deep breath. “Ben, I can’t,” she whispered.

“I see,” he replied slowly, his expression closed and even his emotions difficult to feel.

He clearly didn’t understand what she meant, not really, and then he was releasing her hand. She tightened her grip and looked up at him beseechingly. “Ben! This is yours. You can’t just – you can’t give me everything and expect me to just keep taking. I can’t take your childhood home from you for my school,” she insisted, aware of the anguish in her voice.

His lips pressed together as he regarded her in silence.

She fought down her growing desperation and tried to think of how to explain it to him so he would realize what she meant. He had told her he loved her! And then had immediately come here, presumably to get the house ready. What had she said to prompt his decision? They had been talking about their future plans and – oh! – she had told him that they did not need to stay and rebuild the New Republic, that he needed to make his own choices about his life. She flushed, uncertain why his choice would be to give his home to her. It reminded her of his offer in Snoke’s throne room, to give her the galaxy if she would stay. Of his later offers.

Understanding dawned and she reached to take his other hand as well. He surrendered it easily but his expression became apprehensive. “Ben, it’s beautiful here. The loveliest place I have ever been. But you don’t have to offer it to me. You don’t need to keep finding things to tempt me to take your hand. I already have. I don’t need anything but you. All I want is you. I love you,” she told him firmly. “I would love you whether we lived in a hovel or a palace, whether we were serving the New Republic or exiled from it. It wouldn’t matter because we would be together. That’s all I want, Ben. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Her heart was pounding and she was breathless but relieved to have told him what she had spent all those hours practicing. His eyes were wide as he listened to her, holding very still until she finished. Then he cleared his throat. “Rey” – she would give anything to hear him say her name like that every day for the rest of her life – “Rey, everything I have is yours, whether you would take it or not.”

“Ben – ”

He forestalled whatever she was going to say by bringing her hands to his lips and kissing them. “I’m yours, whether you will take my hand or not. But,” he swallowed. “I hope you will.”

Frowning slightly, she glanced at their already-clasped hands and then back to his face with some confusion. “Ben?”

Something like a smile tugged at his lips. “I’m asking you to marry me, sweetheart.”

“Oh! Of course, Ben,” she told him seriously. Then she grinned and jumped at him, caught easily in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him firmly on the mouth. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss, making her very glad for his support as her knees went weak. Good thing Chewie hadn’t come with them, she thought briefly, before dismissing all other concerns and focusing on Ben.

Much, much later, they finished the tour and she was happy to start making plans. He smiled at her indulgently and made a few suggestions of his own. There was no reason to return to Coruscant for a while, so they did not. Instead, she sent for her friends, who arrived quickly – perhaps earlier than she would have preferred, at least as far as interrupting her time with Ben went. There was plenty of space for them to stay in the house, though not too near the rooms that she and Ben had made their own.

Kaydel was delighted to finally take her shopping, with Rose, Jannah, Riva, and several other women along for the trip. They bullied her into buying a ridiculous dress that she could not imagine ever wearing again, but she gave in soon enough. It was quite beautiful and she felt lovely wearing it. There were more preparations, though she took little part in them other than selecting the food – something she was far more passionate about then the clothes.

The next day, however, she had to admit that her friends were completely right about the dress, when she was standing next to Ben and he was staring at her with rapt attention. He was also wearing something fancy and she flushed at the sight of him. Chewie conducted the ceremony and there were tears in her eyes by the time he finished what he had to say. Ben’s hand was in hers and he kissed her gently. The crowd cheered and they parted, blushing and grinning.

It seemed as though everyone in the Resistance was at the party – and possibly some defectors from the First Order. Rey had not specified who should attend and Ben had assured her that there would be plenty of food for any number of guests. She was embraced or had her hand shaken by what felt like at least half the galaxy and she couldn’t stop smiling. Lando gave a speech that was touching and poignant, something about bringing their two sides of the conflict together. About how the galaxy could finally move forward. It seemed like a bit of a stretch to compare her and Ben to such a grand scale, but it was sweet of him to do so.

Poe shook Ben’s hand and told him that his work had made a great difference, and that he could return whenever he wished. Finn hugged both of them – to Ben’s consternation – and told Ben he’d better take good care of her, and not to let her do anything rash. Rose was crying when she hugged Rey, and Ben was a bit more prepared to hug her than he had been with Finn. Kaydel got Ben to admit that Rey’s dress was lovely and seemed very satisfied with herself, though Rey thought Ben would readily admit that of anything she might wear. Maz wanted to know what reward she could expect for being the one to bring them together – twice! she insisted. When they failed to answer quickly enough, she demanded grandchildren for Leia, as soon as possible.

That prompted Ben to excuse the two of them from the party, and she followed him into the house, smiling at how his ears were still pink from Maz’s implications. “Sorry, I just needed a moment,” he explained.

“A moment for what?” she teased.

“My wife,” he replied. Then he leaned down and kissed her thoroughly, which was exactly the answer she had been hoping for, so she was quick to respond.

“Careful now, you’ll have to change your hair,” a voice interrupted them, and they whirled to find Leia standing there, shining faintly. She grinned at their surprise. “What, you didn’t think I’d really miss my son’s wedding, did you?”

“Mother,” Ben whispered, stricken.

Leia embraced Rey first. “Thank you, my dear. You were right, of course. Could you give me a moment to talk to Ben?”

Rey looked to Ben, who nodded slowly, and then returned to the party, glancing back to check on him again before she left. She may have been a little anxious as she talked to her friends, but soon enough Ben rejoined her. He held her hand tightly and looked like he’d been crying, so she kissed him gently, grinning when this made the surrounding crowd cheer.

Eventually things wound down and people went to bed. Rey guided Ben to a secluded spot amid the trees and gazed up at the stars while she waited for him to tell her what had happened. He relaxed visibly as he regarded her.

“She apologized, for everything. For sending me away. She said she was giving Uncle Luke the cold shoulder because of what he did. We talked about – about Dad,” he added haltingly. Rey kissed his hand and he looked at her gratefully before continuing. “She asked to be able to see more of us, in the future, if I will allow her to.”

“What did you say?”

“I said yes.” He inhaled deeply, trembling a little. “I miss her. I would like – ” He paused, looking at her shyly.

“Like what?” she prompted gently, moving into his arms.

“I would like my children to grow up with more family around them than I did. That is… if we – if you – ” The tips of his ears were growing pink again.

She giggled, standing on her toes to kiss him lightly. “I would like that, too.” He smiled, relieved, and pulled her close. “I love you, Ben Solo,” she told him, always glad to erase his doubts.

“I love you, Rey Solo,” he replied, trying out the phrase.

Her heart pounded at his tone and at the realization that she finally had a name that felt right. It was perfect because it was his. She had finally found her family.


End file.
